Hell Reviews - A Whole Abundance of Movies in the Order she Vaguely Remembers Them

So!
Sorry it's been a while since I uploaded, just been in bit of a creative frenzy with trying to get some stories out.
But last week I watched a load of movies over the weekend, which is already unlike me...I'm not exactly known to be a cinephile or whatever they're called.
But between the 21st of July to now I have watched a whole series of them, some well known and some not. Some with amazing directors and some made on a shoe string budget.
Most of these will just be my initial reactions, nothing too extensive and unlike my other reviews I won't include the movie posters and the synopsis of each one, but hey...some little pictures added in here and there.
Let's take a look shall we!

Deadpool - Was pretty damn sweet, I can see why it got the reviews it did. Great humour, as expected with the likes of Ryan Reynolds, great action and just all over wicked.

Would I recommend it?
Yes

Rating: 8.5/10


Prey - A cheap B-movie about another bunch of teenagers who don't listen to warnings whilst on holiday (or vacation to some) and end up getting munched by El Chupacabra. It's pretty much what you'd expect, you want nearly all of them dead and the creature looks more like something that crawled out of The Decent's cave and got lost, but it's decent for a short bit of entertainment.

Would Hell recommend it?
Sure, if you grab some friends and have a good laugh, just don't expect much from it...like logic.

Rating: 5.5/10 - I guess...

We Are What We Are - It's alright, bit a slow burning film, which can be great if done correctly. However it's predictable as all sin and I have seen films about this subject done in manners just as deep but also more interesting.

Would I recommend it?
I'm a bit iffy on that, I think if you liked things like Only Lovers  Left Alive and The Witch or even The Village, then I think you'd get some intrigue from it, just don't expect to leave the experience feeling anymore elated or wise.

Rating: 6.5/10


Everest - A wonderful telling of a true story. It's a great story to be told and is fantastically filmed, the scenery is breath taking, the action is suspenseful and the acting is awesome. The whole thing pulls on your heartstrings.

Would I recommend it?
If you enjoy documentary style films then yes, without a doubt I'd say this is one to check out.

Rating: 7.5/10


The Walk - The film that I keep calling Walk the Line...which I know is a completely different film, but it makes sense! I personally really enjoyed this film, it's joint top place with another that I will be mentioning soon. Like Everest it's a documentary film, this one about the man who freakin' tight rope walked between the Twin Towers. I thought it was wicked and humorous but I an also understand why some people walked out of the cinema screening, especially if seeing it in 3D...it plays with vertigo really well.

Would I recommend it?
You bet! I thought it was a good little time passer.

Rating: A high 8.5 to maybe a 9/10

Axe Giant - A killer Paul Bunyan story. Do I really need to say much more? The effects were pretty laughable, but it was a B-movie so I couldn't even expect much to it. There's nothing worth mentioning, it was all just...kind of hideous, but well done on the effort?

Would I recommend it?
Not unless you want a laugh and drinking game with friends. Don't watch it alone.

Rating: Barely a 4/10

The Body - Bugger me...the girls in this movie were irritating, inane and dumb. It barely runs for about 75 minutes and I already wanted to rip my hair out, it was fairly predictable what was going to happen and it does play out how you'd expect it to but if you enjoy little home invasion style films then it's alright. Just don't expect any logical choices, half the time you'll be like the picture under the rating before merely sighing and resigning to it.

Would I recommend it?
As stated up there, if you enjoy the type of story this film offers go for it, but it is easily passible.

Rating: 5/10

Crimson Peak - Holy crap...I really enjoyed this film, but it's right down my alley. Ghosts? Yes.
Large moths? Yep. Spooky looking but gorgeously large and isolated house? Mmhmm. Tom Hiddleston playing a charming British man with a brief glance as his bare, gorgeous behind? You bet! Honestly, despite me not liking Pan's Labyrinth in itself, I can still appreciate the visuals that Guillermo del Toro can create and boy does he deliver once again in Crimson Peak. It's all over gorgeous. The story itself is a little predictable, we figured out what was happening barely thirty minutes in, but it's still a decent film with wonderful practices in mixed physical and CGI effects and great acting throughout. Also Jim Beaver's in it...and he's cool.

Would I recommend it?
I think it's fairly clear I would, but it won't be for everyone.

Rating: Once again a high 8.5 to 9/10

Ant Man - It's alright, honestly not the best Marvel film created (that I've seen...which isn't many), there's plenty of action to it but there were plenty of parts the fell flat. The humour was kind of...meh...and just missed the point sometimes, I guess I'm biased because I miss the over cheesiness that the first Thor film offered, whereas the jokes in Ant Man feel more like when a little kid is trying to tell you a joke.
You know what's going to happen and you smile politely, waiting for them to finish, but you're already finding it unfunny before it's over.

Would I recommend it?
Kind of, I mean...it's part of the Marvel universe, but I wouldn't say to go out of your way to see it.

Rating: 6/10

And that's it!
That's the collection of movies I've seen over the last week, until Wednesday for my next Supernatural book review!

Hell Reviews - Naruto the Movie: Road to Ninja - There's pictures in this one!

Synopsis: Long ago, a masked shinobi unleashed the Nine-Tailed Fox onto the Village Hidden in the Leaves to spread chaos and destruction. But the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, and his wife, Kushina Uzumaki, sealed the Tailed Beast into their newborn son Naruto to save the village, foiling the shinobi's plans.
Years later, Naruto and his friends succeed in driving away the infamous Akatsuki, who have mysteriously returned from the dead. Upon returning to the village, the young shinobi are praised by their families for completing a dangerous mission. Reminded of how alone he is, Naruto begins to wonder what it's like to have parents, when a strange masked figure appears before him - the same masked shinobi responsible for the death of his parents!

 

I know, I know.

Hell...this isn't a horror movie!

I'm fully aware, but shockingly I do also enjoy stuff that isn't just blood and gore and violence...and torture porn...and ghosts....and scary.

You know what I gotta say about that?

This is my review page and I'll do as I like.

 

Yes, I used to be a big Naruto fan in my college days.

Nine years ago I went through that phase and I lived through it, surviving to tell the tale.
Eventually I ended up giving up, I slowly lost interest in it altogether, I had about two and a half box sets of the genin series and got about one book away before the Shippuden series and I lost interest completely.
By this point it had been going for a good few years, Shippuden was well on its way and I was just very very slow to buy the books as other series took priority and eventually my interest had gone by the time I was part way through reading book 24 so I sold almost all my Naruto stuff to my younger brother who had picked up on his older siblings habits…as they do.

Skip to many years down the line, I still have casual conversations about the series, heck I still do sad little rp’s with my friend on Skype to pass the time and have a laugh, but my interest in the series itself never picked back up, I just never lost my love for some of the characters.

Yes, I was one of those girls that liked…and still like….Sasuke Uchiha, despite how much of an ass he is. I know, I know…but I like dark haired, broody jerks, and I dislike how it ended (it seems to push past fifteen years worth of character development, but that's my opinion) come at me, I have my shuriken ready.

Anyway, to the point, my younger brother (not the one who got my Naruto and Soul Eater stuff, another one) mentioned a certain Naruto part about being in an alternate universe where Sasuke is a total playboy and all that and I am a total stickler for alternate universe stuff.

I absolutely love it.
….But I forgot about that for a while and went on with my life as I do.
Wandering in the darkness by myself to avenge my fallen brother.
I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known…

Sorry…my inner Sasuke took over there.

Onwards!

So skip to about a year ago and this bro was down again and we gotsa talking about it again and having a laugh, he leaves and I’m like; You know what? Maybe I will watch it, this could be fun.
And I do!
Then I watch Rock Lee, Springtime of Youth…hoo boy what a series that one was!
That was the series that made me fall in love with poor Neji, who I thought was too arrogant as a child...I'm glad he grew out of that.
But just look at these! How cute are they?!

But we’re here to review Naruto the Movie: Road to Ninja.

So right off the bat let me say…what the hell is with the cover of the DVD?!
Why is it advertised as such?
I know other covers have more to do with the film in other countries, but I went to the UK Amazon and ‘this’ cover is the one that was the most used.
Why?!
Just….what?!

He is in it for like three scenes for barely two minutes at a time and not even in that outfit!
They have maybe one, very bad ass, scene. This film needs more Tobi!
But He is in it…and that’s okay by me.
Heck, even the damn synopsis is lazy and barely grazes the surface of the mentalness this film is.

On another note, this happens:

Needless to say...I was not prepared.

Now the story itself is alright, it's not the best alternate universe thing I've seen, but there are some things you just can't help but smile over.
I also like the main antagonist, I won't tell you who he is but let me tell you...he's pretty cool.
It's a good, cohesive story that doesn't really affect the main canon of the rest of the series, it's a filler movie essentially.
But when you're in the Naruto fandom you kind of expect filler and lots of it.
This is enjoyable filler though, despite being out of the fandom for a good few years I still found myself enjoying it and laughing at the inside jokes and the character differences.

The characters alternate selves are quite a laugh, I mean what's better than a dog hating Kiba and a bug hating Shino?
Let me tell you....very few things when it comes to Naruto...outside of Naruto? A fair bit to be honest.
It was nice to see Hinata with more confidence too, because bugger me does usually timid Hinata bug the hell out of me!

The main focus of this story is on Naruto and Sakura, and let me say off the bat...I didn't think Sakura could get more bloody annoying.
There's a scene before the alternate reality takes place where Sakura and Naruto are moping on a swing set, Naruto because he doesn't have parents to recommend his boost in position like the other teens are getting due to a mission and gone great....and Sakura because her parents are bloody sensible and don't think she's ready enough.
So what does she do?
Accept that maybe her parents are right and that she isn't ready for such a step?
Oh no, she shit talks her parents to the boy who is down because he hasn't got any.
Now, I know teenagers are selfish little buggers, but even the most obnoxious person wouldn't shit talk like that to a supposed friend who has been an orphan and at one point described as 'unwanted'.
That particular scene rubbed me the wrong way and soured me more to her character, and I have never been a fan of Sakura.
Don't get me wrong, Naruto gets under my skin too.
I don't get on well with characters who are too excited and yelly and gleeful....this may be due to my 'emotionless' and 'heartless' disposition, but I just don't get on well with them.
So that was my indication of just how shitty it was for her to do that, when you make me feel bad for Naruto then you know you've messed up. (Yes...I did almost write 'dun goofed' then.)
Of course by the end she learns to appreciate her parents and accept that she has it good, but with her entire attitude throughout the whole film it's too little, too late by that point.
Though there is a scene where alternate world Hinata pretty much tells her straight how shitty she is, and it is such a glorious scene.

It was sweet to see Naruto spending time with his parents, Minato is as kick ass as ever.
I never thought I'd miss a character I was never properly introduced to, as I'd stopped reading by that point, but I did!
Minato...come back!
Otherwise I found Naruto's scenes rather blah, and the constant parallels between him and his dad did my nut in. I personally don't like it when media does this 'parallel characters with others' thing, but it's a cliché and a trope and you kind of have to get used to it.

As mentioned before, the Akatsuki are in it for a short amount of time, once at the beginning of the film and then again later on...fighting for the good side?
Weird, I know, but kinda funny.

Over all, it's an alright filler film to waste time with when you have some spare.
Would it get me back into the series?
No, not at all...I'm afraid I'm too far gone for that, but it was good for some light entertainment.
Would I watch it again?
Probably not, no.
But thanks for keeping me momentarily pleased.

Hell Reviews - Paintball

Synopsis: Low-budget horror. A team of eight adrenaline junkies applies to participate in the ultimate paintball game. On arrival they are blindfolded and taken deep into a remote forest, and the game begins. But the game soon plunges its players into the realms of nightmare as one team member is hit with a real bullet, and what began as a thrill-seeking sport becomes a desperate struggle for survival.

Well…here we go again.

What is there to say about Paintball?

Not much honestly.

Just like Silverhide, Paintball has an interesting concept but over all the execution is just boring and flat. On the plus side, at least this one has some decent acting in it…but I can’t see how you can mess up screaming, crying and panting.

This isn’t a film I paid for, it’s currently being shown on the Horror channel and I figured I’ll watch this one, then watch the zombie in the bathroom film Stalled which is on straight after.
I shall be reviewing Stalled as I watch it, that’ll be put up soon enough.

From the bat you can tell it’s one of those independent, low budget movies that Horror channel likes to show. Sometimes I fully believe they pick these films to fully troll their audience, knowing most of us are suckers for B-movies and will probably sit through anything, even if we hate it.

Ah…the fun of horror film masochism.
I think they did pretty well with what they had, I don’t know a final number for the budget but I do fully believe that it wasn’t that high just from general watching.
The effects were pretty good, not scary, bloody splatters everywhere kind of pretty good, but more slightly above realistic kind of blood splatter levels.

The characters are complete non entities, I couldn’t tell you who was who, who died and who survived as none of them seemed to have any individual personalities.

From the bat we’re given a very brief shot of each character in a truck preparing for the game, but not given a clue as to why the hell we should give two shakes of a rat’s ass about.
None of them have their own personalities or quirks that help differentiate who is who to the watchers, except for one guy.
His whole thing is being fat apparently, because you know…character building.
In fact the only time I remember them being singled out and named clearly is right near the end when fake documents about each character are found and their names are read out.

The acting is bearable, but I feel that that’d mostly be because there’s just not much that needs to be emoted, the script hardly calls for anyone to make an Oscar worthy performance.

If you can seem worried and panicked then hey, you can have a part.
The only acting that stood out was one of the women who was behind the ‘hidden attackers’, but that was only because she stood out as the worst damn actress there. How can someone sound so hollow when pleading someone not to kill another because that isn’t what they do?
Other than that the acting was passable.
One of my main gripes however was that sometimes it was hard to understand what the hell they were saying, sometimes it was due to them panting through or screaming their lines and sometimes it was simply because they just didn’t enunciate properly.
Now I understand that when someone is panicking and frantic, scared for their lives and crying it’s normal to not be able to speak clearly, but when you’re trying to make a form of media you at least want your audience to have a brief understanding of what is being said in their moment of distress.
Speaking of panting and screaming once again, there’s only so often you can listen to people pant, cry and scream before it gets tiring.
A prime example of this would be The Human Centipede.

The ending itself is just a snorefest, the ‘final stand off’ is just not worth the film it’s on.
Not to mention the very, very end scene before the credits roll is so freaking pointless and adds nothing at all. Actually it’s extremely cringe worthy to be entirely honest and doesn’t offer a thing that makes you think: ‘You know what? That was worth it in the end’.

Do we find out why they were doing what they were to the people?

No.

Would I have liked to know?

Hell yes! Then I wouldn’t feel like I wasted my time.

What’s the point of a movie like this if the motivation behind the antagonists aren’t explained properly and you’re left with the impression that you have to just shrug it off and accept ‘just because’ as an answer.

If the film had been done well and had an effective ending that stuck with me then I wouldn’t be too bothered, as I’ve said in previous reviews I don’t need everything spelled out for me and sometimes being left in the dark can be fun if the film leaves a positive lasting impression.
Paintball’s only lasting impression is my recommendation to not watch it unless you’re extremely bored.

Overall, it’s an interesting concept of paintballing gone wrong and the forest they filmed it in was absolutely beautiful, but this is nothing to write home about.

The pacing was far too slow, the acting was alright but in the end I just didn’t give a toss about what happened or why it was happening.
I’m certainly glad I saw it for free.

You could make a drinking game out of it however!

1 drink every time you can’t understand what someone says.

2 drinks every time someone yells at someone else.

3 drinks every time someone says any form of ‘fuck’.

4 drinks every time the camera moves in a way that you can’t tell what’s going on or makes you feel a little sick.

5 drinks every time you find yourself zoning out or realising that you just don’t care about what’s going on.

Review and Apology - Hell Reviews - The Facility - Note: There will be spoilers.

Synopsis: Horror in which a clinical trial at a remote facility goes terribly wrong. Among those who sign up to test ProSyntrex's latest drug Pro9 are Adam (Aneurin Barnard), Joni (Alex Reid), Carmen (Skye Lourie) and Jed (Oliver Coleman). The trial is highly secret, with no-one, including the staff who administer injections, aware of who is receiving the drug and who is in the placebo group. Shortly after the trial begins it becomes clear that something has gone wrong. There are unexplained disappearances, bizarre silhouettes and screaming from behind locked doors. Locked inside the facility, unaware of the true nature of events, the surviving patients and staff must band together to try and find a way out of the nightmare.

Alright, it's a wonderful Friday night and I have literally just finished watching this film and all I can think is:

 

The facility was this weeks premiere on the Horror channel.

It's a film I've noticed quite often, I remember picking up the DVD case whilst browsing various shops over the years and thinking; Huh, I need to watch that, it looks good.

Finally, three years later I get to see it and...hooo boy was I wrong!



It started out promising enough then completely lost it part way through, I got so bored that I stopped paying attention for about twenty minutes without realising and when I zoned back in I still feel like I hadn't missed anything.
Except what happened to Arif, who I kept mistakenly believing was called Aaron throughout the whole film.
Seriously, where'd he go?
I know he got raged after the drugs took affect, so I can only presume he died but....yeah...I dunno.

The story had so much potential then ended up being lacklustre, and I feel like I say that far too often on here, but it's sad how often that turns out to be true.
In my opinion at least.
Now I am by no means a cinephile, I am but a mere casual viewer. However I'm not one of those stupid ones that needs everything explained to me, but there are certain titbits of information I wouldn't have minded to have for this particular film.
There are tons of films out there that create this mystery serum, some are explained (usually the more high budgeted things I've found) and some to be used simply as a means to an end, The Facility is unfortunately the latter.
To push this even further, however, it seems that this particular film doesn't even explain 'why' to anything it throws at you.

Why is ProSyntrex testing this on humans?
We don't know.

Did they test it on animals first?
We don't know.

Why does it make every participant go into the same kind of rage rather than have multiple results on varying people?
We don't know.

Why would you make it so the staff members themselves don't know who has the placebo and who is actually injected, thus putting themselves and the test subjects in danger?
We.don't.know.

Nothing is explained as if it's supposed to make us more on edge when everyone starts going nuts and killing each other.
Let's not forget the typical; Oh no! We were told not to tell anyone about this and have no contact with the outside world, aside from this one connected phone line throughout the facility, but that's been cut and we only have these walkie talkies that won't connect to anyone outside.
Which always happens as soon as it goes insane in the membrane.
I can suspend my disbelief, but there comes a limit and sometimes it takes merely one throw away sentence to answer all the questions I have left over after watching.

The characters range from passable to irritating.
I figured the whole point of having test subjects is getting a variety of people with varying backgrounds and personalities, this should help with better results on how the serum takes hold of each person.
Well they kind of got the varying backgrounds down, from the small hints you were given at the very beginning, but all of them were total asshats.
Although I kind of like Arif....come back you germaphoby dude, I miss you.
And you Howard, I think you were a caretaker or security guard or something, either way, you were nice and didn't get enough screen time.
There was a nineteen year old there who acted like a bloody eight year old.
A typical jock type who was blatantly going to be the first to go mad, and not just because he was injected first. It was because he was a total asshole and those characters very rarely get left until last, especially in movies like this when there's a whole selection of people to get rid of.
Pick off the asshole first, it's a guaranteed winner.
I was dealing well with Toby, who seemed to be an ex-druggie and over all cool 'older guy' of the group...but once again we didn't get official confirmation, from what I remember. Of course because he started off cool he simply HAD to turn into a twat in the end.
The other characters, aside from our main guy Adam, proved to be completely pointless.
Heck even the doctor and the nurse were ultimately useless.
I believe there was a reporter women who signed up with the purpose to do an article on this test, my main issue here is that it was supposed to be a super, ultra, mega secret test so how did she get wind that it was going on?
In fact...how did ANY of them?

Another thing, were these characters supposed to have pre-existing issues?
I mean Arif was obviously a germaphobe.
Toby had been there and seen it all.
Nineteen year old clearly had stunted mental growth, whether that was intentional or not I can't say.
Adam seemed to have some kind of social disorder, perhaps? He was your typical, hang back all quietly like until things needed to be put in order.
I'm not sure, I don't remember getting clarification either.

Wow...not even an hour has passed since I watched it and I'm already lacking on information, that says a lot.

So this is where the official spoiler talk starts, so I guess if you don't wish for spoilers than scroll past this section and head straight past it!
Anyway! It turns out that, DUNDUNDUN!!!!
Adam was the placebo recipient all along.
Dat plot twist man!
Also there's an epilogue of forced caption reading for you to read so you can get the gist of how this whole test ended.
You know the one thing that annoyed me beyond belief?
No, it wasn't that there were all of two survivors apparently.
I'm presuming that one was Adam, the other one?
I...am not entirely sure, four very short clips were shown at the end of different characters all looking alive and well, for some anyway.
No, it also wasn't that ProSyntex had no repercussions for sending these people into a living hell and causing deaths which these people's families will have to mourn.
It's the fact that it said the affects wore off after seventeen hours!
I HATE when films do that!
I find it to be such a cop-out.
People's lives have been ruined because this company seemingly hadn't done their job properly and tested the serum accordingly before moving to the next stage.
It seemed like no one, not even the doctor giving the damn injections, knew any of the possible results and everyone had a 'wait and see attitude. If that was me I'd want all the information they could possibly give me before accepting anything they wanted to stick in my arm.
It seems logic is not welcome in this place.

In conclusion, it's awful and I would recommend you give it a miss.
Is there a chance I'm just being stupid and didn't pick up on the small hints given in places?
Of course, as I said I found myself drifting away, but had the film been more gripping then it wouldn't have been an issue.

Now, I will take this moment to apologise for slacking so much this month.
It's been a surprisingly hectic month, but it's started calming down and I can focus on writing my reviews and randomness.
Although I know I don't have any followers, I still feel bad for slacking off and just being a terrible updater.
But it should all be back soon, I'll even post a few more stories.
That's all!
Hell out!

Hell Reviews - Drag Me to Hell

Synopsis: Director Sam Raimi (Spider-Man trilogy, Evil Dead series) returns to the horror genre with Drag Me to Hell, an original tale of a young woman’s desperate quest to break an evil curse.     
Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is an ambitious L.A. loan officer with a charming boyfriend, Professor Clay Dalton (Justin Long). Life is good until the mysterious Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) arrives at the bank to beg for an extension on her home loan. Should Christine follow her instincts and give the old woman a break? Or should she deny the extension to impress her boss, Mr. Jacks (David Paymer), and get a leg-up on a promotion? Christine fatefully chooses the latter, shaming Mrs. Ganush and dispossessing her of her home. In retaliation, the old woman places the powerful curse of the Lamia on Christine, transforming her life into a living hell. Haunted by an evil spirit and misunderstood by a skeptical boyfriend, she seeks the aid of seer Rham Jas (Dileep Rao) to save her soul from eternal damnation. To help the shattered Christine return her life to normal, the psychic sets her on a frantic course to reverse the spell. As evil forces close in, Christine must face the unthinkable: how far will she go to break free of the curse?

Oh man...where do I even start with this one?
It's absolutely atrocious, from start to finish.
For some it may be a 'so bad it's good' kind of film, but for me it was 'so bad I regret wasting my time'.

This is one of those films where the advert made it look so good! I was amazingly eager to see it and revel in one of the 'scariest films of the year'.
A little side rant here, how do things get things be the 'best comedy/horror/action' movie of the year when the years has just started. So often something will be advertised as this in the early months, from January-May, and to me that just kind of shouts; "We don't have much hope for this movie."
Anyway, back to this atrocity.
What were they thinking?

The story itself had so much potential, but the execution lacks so much that it barely constitutes as a horror film and comes across more like a comedy.
Given a half decent writer and director I think this film would have done alright and not become the laughing stock it is, I mean even the kings of stupid movies and jumpscares could have done a better job (Looking at you, Insidious and Paranormal Activity people,) and most of their movies are utter trite.

The acting can be laughable at best.
I was honestly surprised to see Alison Lohman had quite a few things under her acting belt, but  I doubt many of it has her in the lead position.
As the main focus of the film, she came across so poorly, but the writing was also so bad that you have to kind of wonder if that's her fault or if the director just couldn't get his tone right and therefore her performance slipped as a result.
It seemed Alison was only there because they couldn't get Kirsten Dunst to appear in this travesty. Sam Raimi sure loves the 'squeaky clean, cute blonde' look for his stars.

The characters were unlikable in every sense of the meaning.
I didn't feel an inkling of sympathy for Christine as she came across as a self entitled bitch.
I'd have rooted for the Lamia the whole way if the old woman wasn't just as unlikable, you silly woman, pay your damn debts and stop cursing people, then maybe you wouldn't have to beg and be humiliated in public.
The boyfriend was completely pointless to be frank, only there to push in the whole 'perfect life' angle Christine had going for her before her life went to shit. Ultimately he is forgettable at best and irritating at the worst, which is a shame...I kind of like Justin Long.

Everything was ridiculously predictable.
The séance scene with the damn talking goat was the best part, next to the ending of course.
I admit...I kind of like the last five minutes in bits and pieces, even if some of it was eyeroll worthy.

All in all, it's good for a laugh with some friends, but don't go into it expecting anything spectacular.
If you can, give it a miss and waste the spare hour or so bashing your head in a doorframe, it's much more enjoyable.

Hell Reviews - Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Synopsis: Opulently blood-spattered sci-fi gothic rock opera. In the near future, humankind is suffering a worldwide epidemic of organ failures. In the midst of the crisis, a multinational biotech corporation called GeneCo launches a finance programme for organ transplants. But there's a catch: those who miss their monthly payments are hunted down and 'repossessed' by the dreaded Repo Men, who are out to retrieve their property as quickly - and as painfully - as they can. Alexa Vega stars as Shilo Wallace, an over-protected young girl seeking answers to her own rare disease and her family's mysterious history. Will her questions finally be answered at the eagerly-anticipated, flamboyantly spectacular Genetic Opera? Paul Sorvino and Paris Hilton co-star.

 

So back in the good old days, when Blockbuster was still a thing, my parents came home one day with a surprise collection of DVD’s and amongst them was Repo: The Genetic Opera.
Now a random fact is I keep wanting to call it; Repo the Generic Rock Opera.
This has nothing to do with my opinion on the film, it’s the same as me always wanting to say ‘Specific Rim’.
That means nothing to anyway, just a fascinating fact about Hell.
Anyway, one of my best friends happened to be over on the day they rented the film and we figured we’d hunker up in my room and give it a watch together, it’s always more fun with friends, right?

My initial reaction was one of awe, it was pretty awesome.

The scenery was beautiful, creating a typical dark future world with a colour palette that would blend in well with Evanescence’s Bring Me To Life video, it’s dark, gothic and seems to catch the aim it was going for.
The costumes were astounding, I especially like Graverobber and Blind Mag’s outfits, aside from all the make up slathered onto the former.
It goes without saying that some of the singers, once again Blind Mag, could blow you away with one note, and I’ve seen people online saying this isn’t even the actresses’ best performance!
After a few watches the novelty did wear off a bit, but it was still a good film.

Now I still really like the film, there are just a few performances I can be nitpicky about…okay, mainly one performance.

Despite not being a Paris Hilton fan, she did alright in her role in this film, maybe because she wasn’t supposed to be playing anyone with even a modicum of talent and plenty of self delusion, it fit her perfectly.
So this point isn’t about her, I just wanted to point out that aside from still not being able to sing or act, she did well here.
My main gripe is with Alexa Vega.
I refuse to look at this through nostalgia goggles just because she was in Spy Kids, which I loved as a kid.
Here you are, this amazing production full of such great talents, and Alexa sadly doesn’t even reach the standards of the others.

That isn’t to say that ALL other characters and actors were top notch and didn’t have their irritations, but honestly? It seems like they purposefully set out for them to be the way they are.

Shilo is just an annoying, bratty girl with a screechy voice who makes my ears bleed.
Was the intention for the character to be like this?
Perhaps.
Considering one of her songs consists of her jumping around, ‘rocking’, and telling her dad he’s basically an old fart who needs to get off, then it’s very possible that it’s the case.
That doesn’t, however, excuse the singing for me.
Each time a scene transitioned to her I inwardly groaned and prayed it would be a rare scene where singing wasn’t a thing.
Most of the time I was wrong.

The story isn’t the strongest out there, but it gets by with what it’s got honestly.

There are bits which are intriguing, I personally enjoyed the whole thing going on with Blind Mag, as well as the conflict of the Repo Man trying to juggle his grisly job whilst keeping his daughter inside for protection.
Unfortunately most of the story is just kind of blah, I don’t care about who will take over GeneCo and it was kind of obvious to see what the conclusion was leading to and I certainly didn’t care about Shilo’s ‘illness’.
I think the ending is ultimately a ‘screw you, because protagonist’ scenario, and those things piss me off personally, but all in all it was plain to guess where it was leading.

It’s kind of gory, it’s musical and sometimes unintentionally hilarious.

It’s worth a watch if you want to take your mind off life for a while, just don’t expect it to stick with you for too long.

Hell Reviews - Doll Graveyard.

Synopsis: Low-budget horror. In 1905, 12-year-old Sophia (Hannah Marks) plays all by herself in her big, creepy house with four handmade dolls as friends. When her abusive father (Ken Lyle) has finally had enough, he forces her to bury them in the backyard. But, after she slips and accidentally breaks her neck, her dad buries her right along with the dolls. 100 years later, the Fillbrook family moves into the very same house. Guy Fillbrook (Jared Kusnitz) finds the buried dolls while playing in the backyard. After the 100 year old, decaying dolls are unearthed, Sophia's spirit begins to possess Guy and the dolls are brought back to life. When Guy's bullying sister has a party with her friends and turns on him, the dolls stand up for Guy once and for all, violently showing the nasty teenagers who's boss.

Oh man, Doll Graveyard.
What can I say about Doll Graveyard?
Let me tell you...nothing positive.

This was part of the pile that my older brother bought me for Christmas and up until that point his track record was already pretty damn poor.
I completely understand that it's low budget, I really do, but that doesn't give it an excuse to be so bloody dull.
I'm not even sure if this falls into the category of so bad it's good, was it meant to be a horror comedy all along?
Or was that an accident on the producer and writer's part?
Because if it was either they A: Managed to make it just bad and B: Failed to make it funny.

The acting was just atrocious, the girl at the start seemed promising until she had to 'die', by...slipping on the dirt as she got out the grave her father forced her to bury her dolls in? Being pushed by the father? I can't tell, all I saw was a girl fall in a super controlled way, as you do when you slip.
The modern actors were worse than the 'ye olde day' actors, my left toe has more acting ability than any of the people named above.

The story was pretty much incoherent half the time, easy to follow but still 'what the fuck?' worthy at every turn.
These guys take 'dumb teens' to a new level of awkwardness.
The sister was a bitch, the friends and boyfriends were assholes for the sake of being typical jocks, there was the quirky girl who had to be untainted just because, you know...the type who wouldn't hang out with that group of friends in the first place?
The brother was a typical nerd who they tried to develop a love story with involving the quiet, shy, non-drinking virgin girl.
Which all gets fluidly forgotten when the Puppet Master rejects come into play.
The acting doesn't get better though.

It's really boring, avoid.

Though I love this little bitch of a doll.

Belated Movie Monday Review - Hell Reviews Fingerprints.

Synopsis: In this terrifying supernatural thriller, a troubled teenager sets out on a grisly path to discover the disturbing truth behind a well-known urban legend. Haunted for fifty years by the horrifying tale of a train colliding with a school bus, killing all the children aboard, the small town left behind continues to suffer as a stomach-churning chain of murders claims victim after victim. Brought to life by a stand-out cast including Kristin Cavallari (Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County), Leah Pipes (Malcolm In The Middle), Josh Henderson (Desperate Housewives) and Lou Diamond Phillips (Courage Under Fire), Fingerprints will leave its mark on your nightmares!

 

The old legend of the children pushing the car across the tracks is one of my favourites out there, it’s so sad yet so endearing at the same time.

In retrospect it could have been such a good film idea in the hands of competent writers, but unfortunately we weren’t gifted with talented screen writers.

What a terrible film this was.

Not only was it a cliché mess of a film, but the story just had nothing to it that was worth watching.

The characters were bland and offered nothing, aside from the mother of the main character being a totally unlikeable bitch.

We have a main character who is interchangeable with any other person in the film and the impact would be the same, the actress is just barely watchable at times and is a complete non-entity.

It’s such a bad film that there’s just nothing to say about it except don’t watch it, it’s up there on my list of worst films along with Krampus: The Christmas Devil.

Avoid it.

Hell Reviews: Knock Knock - May contain minor spoilers...like it's awful.

 

Synopsis: Keanu Reeves stars in this home invasion thriller directed by Eli Roth. Left at home alone while his wife and children are away for the weekend, Evan Webber (Reeves) receives a late night visit from two attractive rain-soaked young women asking to use his phone. But after letting the girls inside and allowing them to use his shower and dry off their clothes, the night takes a turn as the two girls seduce Evan to thank him for his hospitality. Reluctant at first, Evan eventually gives in to temptation but not without suffering the consequences...

 

What happened Keanu?

Was this a quick money maker?

You actually had talent years ago and now this shoddy film has made me wonder if maybe I’m having nostalgia over an actor I haven’t seen in enough movies to have nostalgia over.

But Knock Knock was just so bad.

The premise of the film had so much promise, so how the hell did it fall this far?

The story of a father and husband being seduced into a threesome and then tormented for his mistake sounds like it could be a great idea, if it had been written better.

It goes without saying that this particular films seems to have gained a wonderful title of one of the worst films to come out that year and it’s not hard to see why.

Unfortunately it’s another of Eli Roth’s films that I will mentally slap myself for watching, and I know it’s bad when I can remember who the director is as I don’t pay attention to such things usually, but he’s proven in the past to be a disappointment.
I’m looking at you Hostel…and Cabin Fever….

To start off with Keanu’s character, Evan Webber, made such a drastic shift in a matter of minutes that it made no sense.

He goes from loving and devoted husband and father, hard working architect type to a cheater and a complete imbecile in mere seconds.
Now I know some people would defend it with; “But it’s two hot girls being easy and asking for it, who wouldn’t go for it? Heheh.”
Let me tell you, most men who give a damn about their family like he is originally shown to be, as weird as it may sound to say it, a man like my dad wouldn’t fall into such a pitiful trap because he has more respect for my mum than he would for two random women who think they’re clearly all that and can simply get away with it just because.
But we got to get the plot rolling somehow!

It’s one of the things I dislike about such things, rather than give us good story telling they’d rather get into showing the sexy women and torture so screw logical characters and motivation, and sometimes this may be forgivable but when the story you’re given leads to nothing and you’re supposed to live with “It happened just because,” then it makes Hell a very unhappy girl.

This isn’t to say that I need things painted out for me, but sometimes it’s nice to have a little motivation to go with your torture.
It wouldn’t have even taken much, a small change to make him in an unhappy marriage whilst not creating a masterpiece would offer some form of reasoning to why he’d go for it and I’m not buying that moment of weakness crap either.
Sometimes ‘just because’ isn’t enough, at least in The Strangers they said it was just because they were home, but Knock Knock feels like it’s trying to deliver a message and falls on its face halfway to your post box after tripping out of its delivery van.

The two girls were the worst antagonists ever, everything they did made my eyes roll.

From their more than obvious innocent act to the ‘we’re insane and can kill you’ act.
Who thought these characters up?
Never once did I get the impression that these girls are veteran cheater killers like they seem to imply that they are.
I also don’t understand the logic of going to relentless seduction attempts to make someone cheat and then punishing them for it.
I’d rather have seen this based on a character who is shown to be a serial cheater and scumbag than on someone who hasn’t seemed to do anything to anyone until pushed to it.
It just doesn’t make sense to me, it’s like making someone eat cake and then laughing at them and calling them fat because you made them eat the cake.

I admit that I am guilty of enjoying a good home invasion movie, they don’t even have to make sense but the feats in this film are just impossible. From how destructive they’re being around the house to how quickly they can move around and get changed seemed inhumanly quick, unless there’s meant to be a time lapse that isn’t even implied.

I can really enjoy characters who are a bit screwed in the head, take Mileena from Mortal Kombat and Tira from Soulcalibur, they are two of my favourite characters in video games and they’re bat-shit crazy, so why in films do the nutty women always make me groan and roll my eyes or physically cringe at the way they’re acting?

Not to mention that people with the attitudes they showed annoy the hell out of me and I honestly can’t suspend my disbelief to rationalise some of the stuff they managed to accomplish.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to think that girls can’t accomplish anything involving a man, but there are also natural limits when you look at basic physics of two tiny, scrawny girls who look like the wind could blow them over and someone of Keanu’s build.
Why did Evan not just punch one of these girls in the throat and then take out the other one whilst her friend was down?
He slapped one of them and choked another so clearly harming them isn’t a moral issue, so why didn’t he fight back like his life was genuinely on the line…which it was!
They were open on so many occasions and yet somehow they managed to outwit and overpower him ludicrously easily multiple times.
I also dislike it in these kind of films where anyone who comes into the picture that could actually help always gets easily taken out, with the most minimum of effort at that.
Even worse is that we’re supposed to believe that they’ve done this multiple times and haven’t been caught?
That’s absolutely ridiculous.
Then again I’m one of these people where I get irrationally annoyed when we’re supposed to believe this character is able to outwit everyone and pulls the wool over everyone’s eyes when it’s clear as day it’d never work in real life. (I’m looking at you Amnesiac.)
Technically I have no place to be taking entertainment from the fictional world if I’m that finicky about things.

The creators clearly had no idea how basic things seemed to work either, like when you call the police. Here I was thinking that if you hung up on the emergency services that they’d attempt to call you back and then dispatch the police to investigate if you don’t pick up, especially after you just spoke the words; “I’d like to report a break in.”

But I’m not part of the police force nor a dispatcher, so what do I know?

Who are we supposed to be rooting for?

At first you want to try and sympathise with Keanu Reeve’s character, but he cheated and cheating is a massive ‘no’ in my books. Not to mention the fact that he wasn’t man enough to stand his ground and decline their awfully obvious seduction tactics, how are we supposed to root for someone who just went for it?

That and he’s a completely unrelatable character, and that’s mainly because he’s so wooden and dull that there’s no personality there.

The girls aren’t the type I’d root for either, crazy for crazies sake doesn’t get me excited and I have, quite often, in the past found myself slightly disappointed when the antagonists I can actually wave a flag for get their comeuppance.

But that takes good writing and dialogue, something this film needs drastically.

 
The acting was simply horrific, but it goes along with the execution of the story really, completely crap and not worth your time, and I have seen some terrible acting in my life (I mean let’s face it, I’m a Supernatural fan and some of the acting on there can be questionable at best.)
The dog, Monkey, however was pretty cool, can’t fault that stellar acting.

The constant 'sexy' acting got tiring really fast, but I'm not part of the audience who these two moderately attractive girls are supposed to be appealing to.
Their act got tired quickly, especially the blonde Bel's constant 'daddy' talk during one scene, it wasn't sexy, it wasn't cute, it was just annoying and went on for too long.

If executed in a half decent way this film could have done for tormenting cheaters what Hard Candy did for tormenting suspected paedophiles, too bad it just seemed to be an excuse for the director to show off his ‘hot wife’.

Take a back seat Resident Evil, there’s a new wife flaunter in town.

Hell Reviews: Ginger Snaps

Synopsis: Ginger (Katharine Isabelle) and Brigitte (Emily Perkins) are two teenage sisters fed up with the routine of high school, dating and parents. They long for something which would bring a little excitement into their lives, but when Ginger is attacked by a werewolf it's maybe a little too much, too soon. Over the following months, Ginger undergoes some surprising physical and psychological transformations. Brigitte does her best to fight against the changes and win her sister back, but with Ginger having now infected her boyfriend Jason (Jesse Moss), it seems that she might be fighting a losing battle.

I first watching Ginger Snaps years ago, back when I lived in our old house...which is scary to think that was over ten years ago now! It was my first official horror film after being frightened by a bit of Hellraiser that I saw a few years earlier.
It was late one night and I was lounging around with my mum when she spotted it and said we could watch it together, I believe this may have been on the Syfy channel when it was still called Sci-Fi, and it was a UK premiere.
This would have been around the time I was first starting to get into horror as a genre, I loved dragons and vampires, long before I took a liking to werewolves, but it seemed interesting and I figured 'screw it, a nice easy film to watch with my mum'.
In the end, I loved it.

I've rewatched it quite a few times since then, and although it doesn't seem to hold up as well as I remember it, I still think it's a great film.
The way they mix lycanthropy with puberty was pretty clever and Ginger's transformation was a great, relatively slow progress when compared to other werewolf films. I liked the slow progress of the change rather than a super rapid transformation, it was nice to see something more based on the emotional relationship between the sister's than having it pushed to one side to make room for action.
As a girl who was just entering the old puberty cycle, it seemed like an interesting take on the subject compared to the old 'What's happening to me' books, which whilst interesting really lack the fun factor. They really need some horror versions of those books for the creepy dudes and dudettes out there.
It's a film where you can definitely see why it's been classed as a revolutionary film for its genre, whether you enjoyed it personally or not.

Both the main actresses did a good job and this was my first introduction to Katharine Isabelle, who I officially class as my favourite actress. Emily Perkins did an amazing job in her role, but it was Katharine that was perhaps my first 'girl crush', I think she's absolutely gorgeous and I loved the design of her partially turned phase which is represented on a film poster that was sadly didn't get over here in the UK.

I also love how both these girls go on to have roles in Supernatural, with Emily playing a role that is so different from what I'm used to seeing her in. (A role that some have actually found insulting, to an understandable degree.)

This isn't to say that the film didn't have any faults, as all films do, but I never really found any that took me out of what I was watching and made me lose track of anything that was going on whilst I contemplated why they'd make such a decision or miss such an easily edited detail.
I mean sure, the girl who liked to tease Ginger and Brigitte seemed a little bit unneeded and unbelievable, but she has hardly any screen time and there is one moment where the music and way it's shot make that particular scene feel like it's part of a comedy film that accidentally got sliced in that's kind of distracting, but they're only two very short parts of a small list of gripes.

Ginger Snaps is one of those films that left an impression on me, so much so that I could happily recommend it to people for an easy watch, including my own brother.
After my first viewing I went out to buy the DVD and found out there were two more, luckily I found all three in a boxset. Not so luckily, I found the other two fairly disappointing, with the third being completely forgettable.

Would I recommend it?
Sure! I found it fun to watch, I still do and think it's a good, simple watch to get your fill of sisters angsting, period scares and werewolves.

Hell Reviews: Sanatorium.

 

Synopsis: For the 100th edition of their popular TV show Ghost Trackers , a team of paranormal investigators visit the notorious Hillcrest Sanatorium where a bloody massacre once took place. They venture into the bowels of the abandoned hospital to investigate claims of disembodied voices, ghostly apparitions and incidents of missing children that have made Hillcrest infamous. What they discover there is far worse than anything they could ever have imagined, and as they go deeper into the building they start to realize they may never get out alive.

 
This is one film I picked up on a whim, and surprisingly I really enjoyed it.

I personally really enjoy a good asylum based horror story, whether it’s film, novels or non-fictional stories, there’s just something about the details of the institution and the patients that just give me a thrill.

There’s something about the creepiness of the stories of past inhabitants, the actions of the staff or just general practices from back in the day that really grab my attention and screams at me to continue taking notice.

Sanatorium is a good, easy watch film, one where if you feel like watching a film you don’t need to be too invested in and just want to switch your brain off watching then there’s nothing you’d miss by putting this one on.

That’s not to say it’s bad and an empty film which lacks content, it’s an entertaining film for it’s run time but it’s certainly not one where you go in expecting nothing and want to unwind watching and instead end up find yourself catching things in the background of the shot that give small hints as to what’s going on along the way, hints that you need to pay attention to in order to follow the story.

This is usually where I’d put the ‘cons and pros’ but I have very few points so it would render it useless in this segment, so instead I am going to just make small points in a paragraph of each.

Now for me, it was a solid story for the film it was trying to be, while the characters could be a bit eye roll worthy they’re still fun to see interacting with each other.

It’s not a totally original story, it came out in 2013, only two years after Grave Encounters which was released in 2011. Considering the format and content of Sanatorium it’s easy to compare to Grave Encounters, and whilst it’s a good film Sanatorium isn’t one that I would choose to watch over the other if I had both on DVD.

The characters are the basic ones you’d expect to see in this kind of film, they have a little bit of background to make them have a story but otherwise they are mostly just blank slates, these kinds of characters are usually made so that the audience can project themselves onto them. I find that in horror films it’s unneeded, I would rather watch a horror film of characters I care about than one where it’s like ‘see, this could be you, what would you do?’

I don’t need to think about what I’d do in that situation, that isn’t why I, personally, watch horror films. I can think about that kind of situation and what it’d be like to be stuck in it, without needing the film to give me a character to latch onto and claim as being ‘me’.
Sometimes it seems like the writers weren’t sure if they wanted to make blank slate characters who you can project yourself onto, or characters who you need to feel and sympathise for so they floated in a happy medium. This didn’t really hit me until I sat here and just thought about the film, so it’s neither a negative or a positive, just a thought in hindsight.

The atmosphere is hard to get into as it’s a film of jumpscares, just like Grave Encounters was.

Despite being a horror fan I have an immense dislike to jumping, I am the first to admit that I jump easily which is a large disadvantage to being a fan of this genre these days.
Unfortunately it seems like all creators lately believe that jumps and screams equal fear and to me it just doesn’t. I would much rather be sucked in by an uneasy atmosphere and build up than sudden jumpscares to get a reaction from the crowd. The problem is that so many people say they were ‘scared’ when watching these kind of horror films, whilst I see jumping as more of a reaction and reflex thank fear, but the masses opinion means more than a mere few.
I felt the same about Paranormal Activity, given it’s hype I was hoping there’d be more to it than just mere jumps. It had an interesting story but I felt they were trying too hard to fit in the scares than create an atmosphere.

Did I jump whilst watching Paranormal Activity?

Yes.

Was it due to fear?

No

And it seems to me these days that most films seem to take that route, sadly Sanatorium is no exception. I’m just glad this one has an enjoyable premise behind it otherwise I’d be leaving my first watching with a large ‘meh’.

My only, and main, problem with this otherwise good film was that it is a more found footage style, which does fit the film due to it being another reality TV copy.

This is only a gripe of mine due to motion sickness, and compared to other films it’s not the worst or least stable when it comes to camera motions.

So would I recommend it?

Sure, it’s a good film and one that I kept the DVD of and would happily suggest to a friend.

Side note: Not to be mistaken for Sanitarium, even the great Robert Englund can’t save that borefest.

Happy Easter! With an Added bit of Potential Horror!

Hey everyone!
It's officially Easter here in the UK, so I dropped in to say that I hope everyone enjoys themselves and has a decent holiday.
The clocks have officially gone forward here, it's currently 3am and I'm tired from some long days at work, so I'm currently lounging in bed watching Criminal Minds.
Plans for Easter would be helping my dad make some chocolate rice krispie/cornflake cakes and enjoying a nice roast for dinner and trifle for dessert! Not that anyone cares but hey-ho!

Today I feel like we stumbled into a horror film earlier at work, as we were getting ready to leave and doing the final sweep of the shop to make sure it's all clean and ready for the two working on Bank Holiday Monday, and my co-worker stumbles across some random USB stick.
Now I've seen enough media in my time to know that there could be some juicy stuff on there!
Perhaps a secret link to a deep web red room ring.
Or perhaps co-ordinates leading to a location with Hostel like intentions and a location tracking device for those who look at it.
The USB stick would be left lying around for unsuspecting and curious people to pick up, stick into a computer and 'decipher', maybe a do-gooder would check it out to see if there was any information on there to contact the original owner or find an address to post the stick to. Thus luring in their next victim or victims who have to fight for their lives despite complete inexperience.
With the stick in what seemed to be it's original packaging I'm guessing they re-packed it to make sure that no-one would suspect anything, no need to worry about something that looks so innocent.
Or you know....it could just be a brand new USB that hadn't been unpacked and popped into a larger clear, plastic bag that got dropped by accident.
I'm sure I've just watched too many films, but I'd still watch another one like any of those!

Anyway!
Happy Easter everyone!

Update: We just made our cakes! Sadly we didn't have any Mini Eggs to put on the cakes, so instead we got large M&M's!

Hell Reviews: Silverhide

Synopsis: A group of conspiracy theorists are secretly watching a Top Secret military base in the desolate Welsh mountains. They are looking for experimental and highly classified test aircraft to report about in a magazine, when they suddenly discover a Top Secret and highly lethal creature, first discovered in the 1920's, which the military and Government are testing. The creature's fur has the ability to turn invisible in moonlight.

As the group are stalked by the creature, nicknamed "Silverhide" by the Army, they are also being hunted by the military who will stop at nothing to keep their classified specimen a secret.

 

I love werewolves.

Silverhide looked like a werewolf film.

Silverhide was not a werewolf film.

Silverhide is a terrible film, disguised as a good film with an eye catching cover.

 Thankfully, this is one B-movie I picked up really cheap at the local ASDA and only about £3 was wasted of the very little money I make in the first place.

When I get a selection of DVD’s that are piling up I like the stack them in order of which I’m more excited to watch, the ones I am eager to see the most I put at the bottom.
Silverhide was bought along with Starry Eyes and Fear Clinic and sat right between the two in my building pile of regret.
Now Fear Clinic was no masterpiece, but I still regret watching it before Silverhide. I’m sure with the former having Robert Englund in helped to be honest.

 Pros:

1: The cover -The cover has a definite draw to it, I love the colours it uses even if it is very cliché and simplistic for that kind of cover and the creature on the front really catches the eye. It definitely does its job well to sell the film from the shelf.

2: The…well that’s just it…that’s all there is.

Cons:

 1: The acting - In this kind of film you don’t expect the acting to be Oscar worthy by any means, but anything would have been better than what we got. Over the years I’ve seen some terrible films that at least had some form of decent acting going for it, as surprising as that may be, this one however had nothing.

All the acting was wooden and stilted, if you weren’t looking at the actors when they were talking then I’d pretty much guarantee that you’d believe they were just reading straight from the script. Hell, I still believe they had cue cards held up by the camera.
I can’t even tell if it was an actor/actress problem or a directing problem as I wouldn’t recognise any of these people if I saw them in anything else, so there’s no way I could even compare their performances.

2: The story - The synopsis sure did its job in sounding promising, too bad the execution didn’t live up to it. Nothing seems to lead anywhere, you’re just being dragged along at a painfully slow pace before all of a sudden it just ends and you’re left feeling a little bit betrayed and unsatisfied.
There is nothing note worthy that happens, even the creature’s appearances are lacklustre and scarce despite being the whole point of the film. I’m not one of these people that needs a deep story that I have to unravel to keep me entertained, I don’t exactly shut off when watching these things but I can still enjoy a mindless movie, but all I ask is that you offer me something.
The only way I can sum this up is with this one scene that led to nowhere, for about ten minutes you’re watching these two girls in completely different locations talking via walkie talkie and I, for the life of me, can’t remember a single thing that was said.

3: The creature – By far the thing I am most disappointed with in this film.

Now the creature on the cover isn’t the best looking beast I’ve seen, maybe I’ll make a top ten kind of thing for that one day, but it’s by far not the worst (I’m sure we’ve seen enough asylum films to know what I mean.) The beast is appealing enough to get you hyped up to see this thing in action.
Then you get a shot of a mask with someone’s hand controlling it.
Don’t get me wrong, budget is always a big factor when it comes to these things, but I’ve seen all kinds of short films on Youtube with less budget than this film used and they turned out better than the entire thing.
When going into something like this you don’t expect amazing effects or fantastic CGI, but you expect something. The way they dodge around budget for this is by making the creature invisible by moonlight and then shooting over 90% of the film in the dark, unfortunately very little else is offered for the periods where no creature is visible or even stalking around.
This led to me feeling amazingly cheated.

Would I recommend it?

No.
Unless you wish to admire a lot of grassland and a woman in a tent, then go right ahead.

All in all, it’s not worth throwing any money at.

If you can watch it for free and have nothing better to do then maybe it’d be worth checking out, but don’t expect to be entertained or even awake by the end of it.
Let’s just say that there’s a reason there’s thirteen one star reviews on the UK side of Amazon and a 3.9 on IMDB.

You.Just.Made.the.List...

...Of worse film I've watched this week.

I just finished watching Krampus: The Christmas Devil.
....Don't....don't watch Krampus: The Christmas Devil, wait to watch the big budget one for the sake of yourselves.
There's a reason it's only got a 1.9 on IMDB.