Review and Apology - Hell Reviews - The Facility - Note: There will be spoilers.

Synopsis: Horror in which a clinical trial at a remote facility goes terribly wrong. Among those who sign up to test ProSyntrex's latest drug Pro9 are Adam (Aneurin Barnard), Joni (Alex Reid), Carmen (Skye Lourie) and Jed (Oliver Coleman). The trial is highly secret, with no-one, including the staff who administer injections, aware of who is receiving the drug and who is in the placebo group. Shortly after the trial begins it becomes clear that something has gone wrong. There are unexplained disappearances, bizarre silhouettes and screaming from behind locked doors. Locked inside the facility, unaware of the true nature of events, the surviving patients and staff must band together to try and find a way out of the nightmare.

Alright, it's a wonderful Friday night and I have literally just finished watching this film and all I can think is:

 

The facility was this weeks premiere on the Horror channel.

It's a film I've noticed quite often, I remember picking up the DVD case whilst browsing various shops over the years and thinking; Huh, I need to watch that, it looks good.

Finally, three years later I get to see it and...hooo boy was I wrong!



It started out promising enough then completely lost it part way through, I got so bored that I stopped paying attention for about twenty minutes without realising and when I zoned back in I still feel like I hadn't missed anything.
Except what happened to Arif, who I kept mistakenly believing was called Aaron throughout the whole film.
Seriously, where'd he go?
I know he got raged after the drugs took affect, so I can only presume he died but....yeah...I dunno.

The story had so much potential then ended up being lacklustre, and I feel like I say that far too often on here, but it's sad how often that turns out to be true.
In my opinion at least.
Now I am by no means a cinephile, I am but a mere casual viewer. However I'm not one of those stupid ones that needs everything explained to me, but there are certain titbits of information I wouldn't have minded to have for this particular film.
There are tons of films out there that create this mystery serum, some are explained (usually the more high budgeted things I've found) and some to be used simply as a means to an end, The Facility is unfortunately the latter.
To push this even further, however, it seems that this particular film doesn't even explain 'why' to anything it throws at you.

Why is ProSyntrex testing this on humans?
We don't know.

Did they test it on animals first?
We don't know.

Why does it make every participant go into the same kind of rage rather than have multiple results on varying people?
We don't know.

Why would you make it so the staff members themselves don't know who has the placebo and who is actually injected, thus putting themselves and the test subjects in danger?
We.don't.know.

Nothing is explained as if it's supposed to make us more on edge when everyone starts going nuts and killing each other.
Let's not forget the typical; Oh no! We were told not to tell anyone about this and have no contact with the outside world, aside from this one connected phone line throughout the facility, but that's been cut and we only have these walkie talkies that won't connect to anyone outside.
Which always happens as soon as it goes insane in the membrane.
I can suspend my disbelief, but there comes a limit and sometimes it takes merely one throw away sentence to answer all the questions I have left over after watching.

The characters range from passable to irritating.
I figured the whole point of having test subjects is getting a variety of people with varying backgrounds and personalities, this should help with better results on how the serum takes hold of each person.
Well they kind of got the varying backgrounds down, from the small hints you were given at the very beginning, but all of them were total asshats.
Although I kind of like Arif....come back you germaphoby dude, I miss you.
And you Howard, I think you were a caretaker or security guard or something, either way, you were nice and didn't get enough screen time.
There was a nineteen year old there who acted like a bloody eight year old.
A typical jock type who was blatantly going to be the first to go mad, and not just because he was injected first. It was because he was a total asshole and those characters very rarely get left until last, especially in movies like this when there's a whole selection of people to get rid of.
Pick off the asshole first, it's a guaranteed winner.
I was dealing well with Toby, who seemed to be an ex-druggie and over all cool 'older guy' of the group...but once again we didn't get official confirmation, from what I remember. Of course because he started off cool he simply HAD to turn into a twat in the end.
The other characters, aside from our main guy Adam, proved to be completely pointless.
Heck even the doctor and the nurse were ultimately useless.
I believe there was a reporter women who signed up with the purpose to do an article on this test, my main issue here is that it was supposed to be a super, ultra, mega secret test so how did she get wind that it was going on?
In fact...how did ANY of them?

Another thing, were these characters supposed to have pre-existing issues?
I mean Arif was obviously a germaphobe.
Toby had been there and seen it all.
Nineteen year old clearly had stunted mental growth, whether that was intentional or not I can't say.
Adam seemed to have some kind of social disorder, perhaps? He was your typical, hang back all quietly like until things needed to be put in order.
I'm not sure, I don't remember getting clarification either.

Wow...not even an hour has passed since I watched it and I'm already lacking on information, that says a lot.

So this is where the official spoiler talk starts, so I guess if you don't wish for spoilers than scroll past this section and head straight past it!
Anyway! It turns out that, DUNDUNDUN!!!!
Adam was the placebo recipient all along.
Dat plot twist man!
Also there's an epilogue of forced caption reading for you to read so you can get the gist of how this whole test ended.
You know the one thing that annoyed me beyond belief?
No, it wasn't that there were all of two survivors apparently.
I'm presuming that one was Adam, the other one?
I...am not entirely sure, four very short clips were shown at the end of different characters all looking alive and well, for some anyway.
No, it also wasn't that ProSyntex had no repercussions for sending these people into a living hell and causing deaths which these people's families will have to mourn.
It's the fact that it said the affects wore off after seventeen hours!
I HATE when films do that!
I find it to be such a cop-out.
People's lives have been ruined because this company seemingly hadn't done their job properly and tested the serum accordingly before moving to the next stage.
It seemed like no one, not even the doctor giving the damn injections, knew any of the possible results and everyone had a 'wait and see attitude. If that was me I'd want all the information they could possibly give me before accepting anything they wanted to stick in my arm.
It seems logic is not welcome in this place.

In conclusion, it's awful and I would recommend you give it a miss.
Is there a chance I'm just being stupid and didn't pick up on the small hints given in places?
Of course, as I said I found myself drifting away, but had the film been more gripping then it wouldn't have been an issue.

Now, I will take this moment to apologise for slacking so much this month.
It's been a surprisingly hectic month, but it's started calming down and I can focus on writing my reviews and randomness.
Although I know I don't have any followers, I still feel bad for slacking off and just being a terrible updater.
But it should all be back soon, I'll even post a few more stories.
That's all!
Hell out!

Hell Reviews - Drag Me to Hell

Synopsis: Director Sam Raimi (Spider-Man trilogy, Evil Dead series) returns to the horror genre with Drag Me to Hell, an original tale of a young woman’s desperate quest to break an evil curse.     
Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is an ambitious L.A. loan officer with a charming boyfriend, Professor Clay Dalton (Justin Long). Life is good until the mysterious Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) arrives at the bank to beg for an extension on her home loan. Should Christine follow her instincts and give the old woman a break? Or should she deny the extension to impress her boss, Mr. Jacks (David Paymer), and get a leg-up on a promotion? Christine fatefully chooses the latter, shaming Mrs. Ganush and dispossessing her of her home. In retaliation, the old woman places the powerful curse of the Lamia on Christine, transforming her life into a living hell. Haunted by an evil spirit and misunderstood by a skeptical boyfriend, she seeks the aid of seer Rham Jas (Dileep Rao) to save her soul from eternal damnation. To help the shattered Christine return her life to normal, the psychic sets her on a frantic course to reverse the spell. As evil forces close in, Christine must face the unthinkable: how far will she go to break free of the curse?

Oh man...where do I even start with this one?
It's absolutely atrocious, from start to finish.
For some it may be a 'so bad it's good' kind of film, but for me it was 'so bad I regret wasting my time'.

This is one of those films where the advert made it look so good! I was amazingly eager to see it and revel in one of the 'scariest films of the year'.
A little side rant here, how do things get things be the 'best comedy/horror/action' movie of the year when the years has just started. So often something will be advertised as this in the early months, from January-May, and to me that just kind of shouts; "We don't have much hope for this movie."
Anyway, back to this atrocity.
What were they thinking?

The story itself had so much potential, but the execution lacks so much that it barely constitutes as a horror film and comes across more like a comedy.
Given a half decent writer and director I think this film would have done alright and not become the laughing stock it is, I mean even the kings of stupid movies and jumpscares could have done a better job (Looking at you, Insidious and Paranormal Activity people,) and most of their movies are utter trite.

The acting can be laughable at best.
I was honestly surprised to see Alison Lohman had quite a few things under her acting belt, but  I doubt many of it has her in the lead position.
As the main focus of the film, she came across so poorly, but the writing was also so bad that you have to kind of wonder if that's her fault or if the director just couldn't get his tone right and therefore her performance slipped as a result.
It seemed Alison was only there because they couldn't get Kirsten Dunst to appear in this travesty. Sam Raimi sure loves the 'squeaky clean, cute blonde' look for his stars.

The characters were unlikable in every sense of the meaning.
I didn't feel an inkling of sympathy for Christine as she came across as a self entitled bitch.
I'd have rooted for the Lamia the whole way if the old woman wasn't just as unlikable, you silly woman, pay your damn debts and stop cursing people, then maybe you wouldn't have to beg and be humiliated in public.
The boyfriend was completely pointless to be frank, only there to push in the whole 'perfect life' angle Christine had going for her before her life went to shit. Ultimately he is forgettable at best and irritating at the worst, which is a shame...I kind of like Justin Long.

Everything was ridiculously predictable.
The séance scene with the damn talking goat was the best part, next to the ending of course.
I admit...I kind of like the last five minutes in bits and pieces, even if some of it was eyeroll worthy.

All in all, it's good for a laugh with some friends, but don't go into it expecting anything spectacular.
If you can, give it a miss and waste the spare hour or so bashing your head in a doorframe, it's much more enjoyable.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Heart of the Dragon.

A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit TV series! Twenty-three years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. Following the tragedy, their father taught the boys everything about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners of America... and how to kill it. Bobby Singer alerts Sam and Dean to a series of particularly brutal killings in San Francisco's Japantown. It's been 270 new moons since the last time, and it looks like the Heart of the Dragon is back...

Sorry for missing my movie review on Monday, it's just been a little hectic this past week and will continue to be so for a little while.

Anyway!

The first in the new cover series, but still classed as book 4 of the whole range, brings in another great edition from Keith.

As stated before DeCandido does a wonderful job portraying the brothers and their relationship, he is one of my favourites to adapt the series to book range and this one is no different.

As someone who lives in the old United Kingdom, I can’t say how accurate any of the locations are to their original regions, I know the show does the typical thing of using Canada as any place but Canada (except in that one meta, fourth wall episode) but book wise? I’m not sure on the accuracy.

If it is accurate, then I think it does a good job of portraying the focused area and introduces people who aren’t really familiar with it to that little place we didn’t know existed.

Did I know there was a Japantown in San Francisco?

Nope.

But I’ve heard of it now.

Do I know if it actually exists now?

No.

You’ll have to excuse my ignorance, but I’m also not amazingly familiar with my own countries geography so it’s nothing personal, I just don’t care about that particular subject.

The case at hand is a good one and keeps you nicely intrigued, it’s not the best case out of the whole book series, but it’s certainly one of the better ones.

If I had to choose between rereading this one and say…One Year Gone, I wouldn’t hesitate to nab this one up again, and not just to avoid reading that.
I will be getting to that one in a few short weeks time.

All in all, it’s a good read, not the strongest but most definitely not the weakest.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Bone Key

This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit "CW" series!Monster hunters Sam and Dean Winchester head to Key West when an old acquaintance of their father calls to say that the coastal town's many ghosts seem to have gone into overdrive. Soon after the brothers meet the ghost of Ernest Hemingway, they discover that a demon couple who escaped from the Devil's Gate are supercharging the local spooks for their own purposes. But things go from bad to worse when the powerful spirits of a long-extinct Native American tribe decides to take its revenge on the "settlers". Join Sam and Dean on an unusual ghost hunt, in this original Supernatural novel.

 

I feel unfair reviewing this one as I honestly can’t remember a bit of it.

It’s the final book in this particular set, as the next moves on to the new cover format, but beyond that I don’t remember much of it to comment on.
Once again the author is Keith R.A. Decandido and I do remember him doing another wonderful job of keeping the book in it’s original Supernatural formula, with Sam and Dean acting in accordance to the shows painted personalities.
However beyond that, I find it hard to remember anything past the fact that I found it readable and didn’t get bored.
It’s worth a read, but not the strongest in the first trilogy, it was rather forgettable to me.
Sorry this one is so short, there's just nothing to say.

Hell Reviews - Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Synopsis: Opulently blood-spattered sci-fi gothic rock opera. In the near future, humankind is suffering a worldwide epidemic of organ failures. In the midst of the crisis, a multinational biotech corporation called GeneCo launches a finance programme for organ transplants. But there's a catch: those who miss their monthly payments are hunted down and 'repossessed' by the dreaded Repo Men, who are out to retrieve their property as quickly - and as painfully - as they can. Alexa Vega stars as Shilo Wallace, an over-protected young girl seeking answers to her own rare disease and her family's mysterious history. Will her questions finally be answered at the eagerly-anticipated, flamboyantly spectacular Genetic Opera? Paul Sorvino and Paris Hilton co-star.

 

So back in the good old days, when Blockbuster was still a thing, my parents came home one day with a surprise collection of DVD’s and amongst them was Repo: The Genetic Opera.
Now a random fact is I keep wanting to call it; Repo the Generic Rock Opera.
This has nothing to do with my opinion on the film, it’s the same as me always wanting to say ‘Specific Rim’.
That means nothing to anyway, just a fascinating fact about Hell.
Anyway, one of my best friends happened to be over on the day they rented the film and we figured we’d hunker up in my room and give it a watch together, it’s always more fun with friends, right?

My initial reaction was one of awe, it was pretty awesome.

The scenery was beautiful, creating a typical dark future world with a colour palette that would blend in well with Evanescence’s Bring Me To Life video, it’s dark, gothic and seems to catch the aim it was going for.
The costumes were astounding, I especially like Graverobber and Blind Mag’s outfits, aside from all the make up slathered onto the former.
It goes without saying that some of the singers, once again Blind Mag, could blow you away with one note, and I’ve seen people online saying this isn’t even the actresses’ best performance!
After a few watches the novelty did wear off a bit, but it was still a good film.

Now I still really like the film, there are just a few performances I can be nitpicky about…okay, mainly one performance.

Despite not being a Paris Hilton fan, she did alright in her role in this film, maybe because she wasn’t supposed to be playing anyone with even a modicum of talent and plenty of self delusion, it fit her perfectly.
So this point isn’t about her, I just wanted to point out that aside from still not being able to sing or act, she did well here.
My main gripe is with Alexa Vega.
I refuse to look at this through nostalgia goggles just because she was in Spy Kids, which I loved as a kid.
Here you are, this amazing production full of such great talents, and Alexa sadly doesn’t even reach the standards of the others.

That isn’t to say that ALL other characters and actors were top notch and didn’t have their irritations, but honestly? It seems like they purposefully set out for them to be the way they are.

Shilo is just an annoying, bratty girl with a screechy voice who makes my ears bleed.
Was the intention for the character to be like this?
Perhaps.
Considering one of her songs consists of her jumping around, ‘rocking’, and telling her dad he’s basically an old fart who needs to get off, then it’s very possible that it’s the case.
That doesn’t, however, excuse the singing for me.
Each time a scene transitioned to her I inwardly groaned and prayed it would be a rare scene where singing wasn’t a thing.
Most of the time I was wrong.

The story isn’t the strongest out there, but it gets by with what it’s got honestly.

There are bits which are intriguing, I personally enjoyed the whole thing going on with Blind Mag, as well as the conflict of the Repo Man trying to juggle his grisly job whilst keeping his daughter inside for protection.
Unfortunately most of the story is just kind of blah, I don’t care about who will take over GeneCo and it was kind of obvious to see what the conclusion was leading to and I certainly didn’t care about Shilo’s ‘illness’.
I think the ending is ultimately a ‘screw you, because protagonist’ scenario, and those things piss me off personally, but all in all it was plain to guess where it was leading.

It’s kind of gory, it’s musical and sometimes unintentionally hilarious.

It’s worth a watch if you want to take your mind off life for a while, just don’t expect it to stick with you for too long.