Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Coyote's Kiss.

Synopsis: A truck full of illegal Mexican immigrants slaughtered with supernatural force is found by the side of a road. Trying to find answers, Sam and Dean are plunged into the dangerous world that exists along the Mexican border. They encounter a tattooed, pistol-packing bandita on a motorcycle who seems be everywhere they go before they get there. Xochi Cazadora draws them into a whole new world of monsters…

Right...well right off the bat I can tell you that Coyote's Kiss is a vast improvement to One Year Gone, sadly that isn't much of a positive as that isn't exactly a tough challenge.
I have read fanfiction better than One Year Gone.
However, does that mean Coyote's Kiss is a masterpiece?
Heck no, this is a Supernatural novel.
Supernatural being the cheesy horror show it is already kind of strikes out the novels being masterpieces, but they can be enjoyable.
Coyote's Kiss reaches about the middle level of entertainment for me.
It was alright, but definitely needed some sanding down.

Now the case itself was pretty damn enjoyable, I liked the different kind of setting it offered and I do love the different monsters they bring into the novels.
I wouldn't say this novel has a stand out case compared to some of the other books, but it's an enjoyable one for the duration that you're reading, which is more than I could say for the last two.
One thing I did note is that once again, it's a Dean based book.
I know Sam isn't one of those characters that everyone loves, I'm surprised actually by how many people claim to actually dislike him. Naturally I may be shocked as I'm a Sam-girl myself, I didn't know he was 'that' disliked, there's a surprising amount of negativity towards that particular character.
Some people have legitimate reasons for not liking him, such as he's too whiney and broody.
Others dislike him purely because he gets in the way of their Destiel ship.
But either way it all surprised me a bit.
Yes, Sam can be an unbearable prick at times (looking at you season 4 Sam) but most characters have redeemable factors, not saying he has to be your favourite character ever, but still....these latest authors seem to like Dean to a point where Sam is just in the background.
When you're a fan like I am, then I'd like to read about both of them. Sure I prefer Sam, but I enjoy Dean too and it seems a little unfair that one brother gets more attention than the other.
In episodes it's understandable, but even in the monster of the week episodes there's an equal amount of each Winchester.
This also would have been a chance to delve further into the soulless Sam story, but that was a severely wasted opportunity.

One of the problems is that, whilst the case is a good one, the focus isn't so much on the case as it is on this new character they introduced in the book.
Yes, here we go again with Hell disliking a female character, but I have my reasons.
I for one am not someone who likes characters that are so 'bad ass' that it comes across as obnoxiousness. In my opinion, this is something that blonde Ruby had that made me dislike her, and this new female hunter Xochi has it in the bucket full.
She's not only bad-ass and has a motorbike, but she's also fiercely independent and can do anything...to the point where she's essentially a terrible Mary-Sue that bores you to death and makes you eyeroll at every turn.
I don't like it when characters are brought in that overshadow Sam and Dean, I know there will be people out there better than them just as there would be worse than them, but when this new character takes up 90% of the story then it's far too excessive.
If you wanted to write about that specific character then write them in an original novel.
Don't throw this out and then slap the Supernatural name on it, knowing fans will pick it up.
The problem with that is, whilst it'd be a clever move, you will have people who dislike it severely as they came for the brothers, not your original character.

Another thing is that once again, Dean is pushed into the 'love interest' category to the point where it's groan worthy.
Why is it that when a female character is introduced they seem to have to have something with one of the brothers?
Shockingly, that doesn't always happen, but I can bet you if it's Dean based and there's a lead female character....he'll probably be paired off with her.
Then you get moments like when they both have to share motorbikes with two girls, one is too young to be a 'threat' here who rides with Sam and Dean gets to ride with our new, bad ass favourite hunter. I'm sure you can guess that it gets awkward, what with him being male, riding behind a female on a rather shaky bike.
I'm sure I don't need to delve further.
What did this add to the story?
Nothing but an eye roll and a weary sigh.
I am one of these people that dislikes romance as a general form, I'll try to avoid watching things involving romance, I don't read romance novels, but I know it's unavoidable at certain times.
But bugger me does this seem so forced and it makes me cringe.
I am reading this novel for Sam and Dean, not for Xochi and Dean and Sam who occasionally gets a mention.
Don't get me wrong, I can take romance and love interests...when that character is actually decently written and enjoyable.
Which is horrible for me to say, I don't like accusing characters of being Mary Sues and the term is thrown around too easily, but with Xochi it's so true.
If you got on with the bad ass, Mexican huntress then good for you, but I couldn't stand her.

I guess all in all it's just a little frustrating that so much time is spent on Xochi and Dean, whilst Sam's character was written so weakly like he was just a second thought to their new character.
Dean's relationship with this new hunter would have been fun and refreshing had she not been so 'over powered', so to speak, and taken away from the original hunting plot.
Once again I miss the brotherly bond, but with Sam being soulless still it's to be expected.

Overall it's a good book, but it's a rather meh Supernatural book.
I'll just put it aside and leave it as a one off read.

Hell Reviews - Naruto the Movie: Road to Ninja - There's pictures in this one!

Synopsis: Long ago, a masked shinobi unleashed the Nine-Tailed Fox onto the Village Hidden in the Leaves to spread chaos and destruction. But the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, and his wife, Kushina Uzumaki, sealed the Tailed Beast into their newborn son Naruto to save the village, foiling the shinobi's plans.
Years later, Naruto and his friends succeed in driving away the infamous Akatsuki, who have mysteriously returned from the dead. Upon returning to the village, the young shinobi are praised by their families for completing a dangerous mission. Reminded of how alone he is, Naruto begins to wonder what it's like to have parents, when a strange masked figure appears before him - the same masked shinobi responsible for the death of his parents!

 

I know, I know.

Hell...this isn't a horror movie!

I'm fully aware, but shockingly I do also enjoy stuff that isn't just blood and gore and violence...and torture porn...and ghosts....and scary.

You know what I gotta say about that?

This is my review page and I'll do as I like.

 

Yes, I used to be a big Naruto fan in my college days.

Nine years ago I went through that phase and I lived through it, surviving to tell the tale.
Eventually I ended up giving up, I slowly lost interest in it altogether, I had about two and a half box sets of the genin series and got about one book away before the Shippuden series and I lost interest completely.
By this point it had been going for a good few years, Shippuden was well on its way and I was just very very slow to buy the books as other series took priority and eventually my interest had gone by the time I was part way through reading book 24 so I sold almost all my Naruto stuff to my younger brother who had picked up on his older siblings habits…as they do.

Skip to many years down the line, I still have casual conversations about the series, heck I still do sad little rp’s with my friend on Skype to pass the time and have a laugh, but my interest in the series itself never picked back up, I just never lost my love for some of the characters.

Yes, I was one of those girls that liked…and still like….Sasuke Uchiha, despite how much of an ass he is. I know, I know…but I like dark haired, broody jerks, and I dislike how it ended (it seems to push past fifteen years worth of character development, but that's my opinion) come at me, I have my shuriken ready.

Anyway, to the point, my younger brother (not the one who got my Naruto and Soul Eater stuff, another one) mentioned a certain Naruto part about being in an alternate universe where Sasuke is a total playboy and all that and I am a total stickler for alternate universe stuff.

I absolutely love it.
….But I forgot about that for a while and went on with my life as I do.
Wandering in the darkness by myself to avenge my fallen brother.
I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known…

Sorry…my inner Sasuke took over there.

Onwards!

So skip to about a year ago and this bro was down again and we gotsa talking about it again and having a laugh, he leaves and I’m like; You know what? Maybe I will watch it, this could be fun.
And I do!
Then I watch Rock Lee, Springtime of Youth…hoo boy what a series that one was!
That was the series that made me fall in love with poor Neji, who I thought was too arrogant as a child...I'm glad he grew out of that.
But just look at these! How cute are they?!

But we’re here to review Naruto the Movie: Road to Ninja.

So right off the bat let me say…what the hell is with the cover of the DVD?!
Why is it advertised as such?
I know other covers have more to do with the film in other countries, but I went to the UK Amazon and ‘this’ cover is the one that was the most used.
Why?!
Just….what?!

He is in it for like three scenes for barely two minutes at a time and not even in that outfit!
They have maybe one, very bad ass, scene. This film needs more Tobi!
But He is in it…and that’s okay by me.
Heck, even the damn synopsis is lazy and barely grazes the surface of the mentalness this film is.

On another note, this happens:

Needless to say...I was not prepared.

Now the story itself is alright, it's not the best alternate universe thing I've seen, but there are some things you just can't help but smile over.
I also like the main antagonist, I won't tell you who he is but let me tell you...he's pretty cool.
It's a good, cohesive story that doesn't really affect the main canon of the rest of the series, it's a filler movie essentially.
But when you're in the Naruto fandom you kind of expect filler and lots of it.
This is enjoyable filler though, despite being out of the fandom for a good few years I still found myself enjoying it and laughing at the inside jokes and the character differences.

The characters alternate selves are quite a laugh, I mean what's better than a dog hating Kiba and a bug hating Shino?
Let me tell you....very few things when it comes to Naruto...outside of Naruto? A fair bit to be honest.
It was nice to see Hinata with more confidence too, because bugger me does usually timid Hinata bug the hell out of me!

The main focus of this story is on Naruto and Sakura, and let me say off the bat...I didn't think Sakura could get more bloody annoying.
There's a scene before the alternate reality takes place where Sakura and Naruto are moping on a swing set, Naruto because he doesn't have parents to recommend his boost in position like the other teens are getting due to a mission and gone great....and Sakura because her parents are bloody sensible and don't think she's ready enough.
So what does she do?
Accept that maybe her parents are right and that she isn't ready for such a step?
Oh no, she shit talks her parents to the boy who is down because he hasn't got any.
Now, I know teenagers are selfish little buggers, but even the most obnoxious person wouldn't shit talk like that to a supposed friend who has been an orphan and at one point described as 'unwanted'.
That particular scene rubbed me the wrong way and soured me more to her character, and I have never been a fan of Sakura.
Don't get me wrong, Naruto gets under my skin too.
I don't get on well with characters who are too excited and yelly and gleeful....this may be due to my 'emotionless' and 'heartless' disposition, but I just don't get on well with them.
So that was my indication of just how shitty it was for her to do that, when you make me feel bad for Naruto then you know you've messed up. (Yes...I did almost write 'dun goofed' then.)
Of course by the end she learns to appreciate her parents and accept that she has it good, but with her entire attitude throughout the whole film it's too little, too late by that point.
Though there is a scene where alternate world Hinata pretty much tells her straight how shitty she is, and it is such a glorious scene.

It was sweet to see Naruto spending time with his parents, Minato is as kick ass as ever.
I never thought I'd miss a character I was never properly introduced to, as I'd stopped reading by that point, but I did!
Minato...come back!
Otherwise I found Naruto's scenes rather blah, and the constant parallels between him and his dad did my nut in. I personally don't like it when media does this 'parallel characters with others' thing, but it's a cliché and a trope and you kind of have to get used to it.

As mentioned before, the Akatsuki are in it for a short amount of time, once at the beginning of the film and then again later on...fighting for the good side?
Weird, I know, but kinda funny.

Over all, it's an alright filler film to waste time with when you have some spare.
Would it get me back into the series?
No, not at all...I'm afraid I'm too far gone for that, but it was good for some light entertainment.
Would I watch it again?
Probably not, no.
But thanks for keeping me momentarily pleased.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: One Year Gone

Synopsis: A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit TV series! Twenty-seven years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. Following the tragedy, their father taught the boys everything about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners of America... and how to kill it. This story will fill in gaps in the Supernatural timeline thanks to the author s first-hand knowledge of the show and unrivalled access to the show s creator. Dean believes that Sam is in Hell so he is trying to keep his promise to his brother and live a normal live with Lisa and Ben. When he realizes that a spell in the Necronomicon could raise Lucifer and therefore Sam, he convinces his new family to travel with him on vacation to Salem. Meanwhile Sam is not as far away as Dean thinks and is determined to protect his brother from the Salem witches... Eric Kripke (creator and executive producer of Supernatural) has written a foreword for the book.

Oh boy, here we have it people, the crème of the crop of the bad Supernatural novels.

The one at the very top where I’d have to stop repeatedly and comprehend what I had just read, if it wasn’t just blatant mistakes on when Sam’s birthday is (which kind of irked me for reasons to be explained) then it was the awful porn like quotes:

Paraphrase of a quote because Hell is too lazy to flip through the book and find the actual thing:

Random blatantly witch, bad guy girl from the past to Sam: You remind me of a horse my family used to own.

Sam, kind of smirking I think, he’s soulless and doesn’t care about whatever: Well then giddy up.

What….what was that?!

Did I just slip into an erotic book by accident?

Look Sam, you’re my favourite character in the show and always have been. Most variations of you have been hot beyond believe, from moody Sam to Lucifer!Sam to soulless Sam, heck even demon blood Sam would have been hot if it wasn’t for the whole out of character sleeping with a demon thing (then trust her over your own brother?! What.the.hell?)…but bugger me if you did that to me I’d be laughing too hard to go any further with you, naked or otherwise.

Just what is that?
Dear god.

So, in case you didn’t get it, One Year Gone is based on that year or so between when Sam jumped into the pit and when Dean got pulled back into the game.

Which is for the best really, I mean…come on Lisa, you were bit of a meh character.
“You shoved my son!”
Yeah…after he was warned to stay the hell away and didn’t listen and put himself in danger, the little shit deserved to get more than shoved.
Maybe if you taught your kid to listen every once in a while it wouldn’t be an issue.
Forced conflict is forced.
Anyway, I digress.
The point is that you spend a lot of time flitting between, Sam’s case, Dean looking for the Necronimicon whilst acting like he’s there for holiday time with the new family and short passages of a similar case to Sam’s in past with what I believe is their ancestors.

Now the positive is that I really enjoyed the parts in the past, those parts I found really fascinating.

We had a look at past ancestors never mentioned before during the Salem Witch trials, which was one of my favourite subjects to learn about in English class. (Not to brag, but I got a B in that subject and an A in a law paper…yeah.)
This part was something new and fresh, brand new characters to form opinions on whilst being linked to our favourite brothers, it was all mayhem and it was awesome.

Sadly that’s all there is to the good of this book, which is a serious shame.

Everything else is just a glob of ‘what?’
There’s just a bunch of things that could have been promising, I mean come on there’s Dean’s worst enemy next to demons, witches, and they just posed such a small threat that it wasn’t worth the energy that getting excited would have used.
Sam is off hunting by himself and being soulless, once again could be promising but turns out to be a complete was of time unless you wish to see him pick up some witch to bang and do nothing else that’s really memorable.
Trust me, after the ‘giddy up’ nothing else sticks out for Sam, that was so bad that I had to share it with my best friend the second I was online after reading it.
When ‘that’ is all that sticks out about one of the main characters, then you know there’s an issue.

The main flaw of this book is that it drags so much.

I knew what I was getting into and I didn’t go in expecting the brother’s to be magically reunited only for Dean to magically lose his memory by the end of the book so it can continue with the canon story, I mean that’d be ridiculous even for Supernatural’s standards.
However the promise of finding out how they were coping separated, one ‘settled down’ but still obsessed with finding a way to help his brother, whilst the other being completely emotionless and just hunting because it’s what he knew during that dark time of having no soul would have been so interesting, if done right.
But Rebecca added nothing that gave these two separate and potentially interesting stories life.
It’s so cardboard and boring and bugger me, Lisa and Ben are still annoying as all heck.
The main thing about Supernatural is its focus on the family bond, the chemistry between Sam and Dean, and the actors playing them on screen, is vital for the stories to work.
Without that there’s nothing to keep you interested and their understandable separation in this book just makes it drag out for so long that it almost became a chore to read it.
I wasn’t going in blind, I knew it was going to be about their time separated and looked forward to it, but it all just fell so short that eventually I was pushing myself to get to the end and almost gave up on it altogether a few times.
If it hadn’t been for the time jumps to the past at random times, I wouldn’t have bothered.

Another flaw is that it’s just far too coincidental.

Now any Supernatural fan will know that coincidence and the Winchesters go hand in hand, but this book takes the biscuit sometimes.
You expect Sam and Dean to get out of being tied up with relative ease to beat the bad guys if it’s a one off episode, you expect clues to turn up in ridiculous circumstances so the plot can progress within its hour time slot, but this just got ridiculous.
Let me give you an example, don’t expect explicit details as I tried to bleach this out of my brain.
There’s a part where Dean has to sneak into somewhere and Lisa was like; “Here’s some balaclavas so no one recognises us, I packed them from home.”

…What?!

What?!

You’re going to Salem! Why would you pack freaking balaclavas unless you’re expecting to rob a place whilst there?!
Now, this may be due to my geographical ignorance, so please do correct me if I’m wrong because I really need a peace of mind over this, but is there a reason in Salem to pack balaclavas?
Is it normal to look at your luggage and think; “Well we’re going to Salem, better pack those balaclavas.”?
Please help me, this is keeping me up at night and that occurred five years ago.

My main problem here is that author themselves.

If this was some random thrown in author then it may have been different if they had written exactly the same things, sure the book still would have been bad but perhaps I’d have just tucked it away and not thought about it again.

However, unlike my usual self I glanced over the foreword of this book which is a small statement from the creator of Supernatural, Eric Kripke himself.
In this statement he says how we’re lucky to have this book in our ‘hot hands’ because it’s written by someone who knows Eric Kripke’s story and what he envisioned for Supernatural inside and out and someone who has actually worked on the show.
If that’s the case then how the hell did we get this crapfest of a book?
The person is supposed to know all the intricate little details flitting around in Kripke’s mind better than he does, he said so himself in that very same statement, so how can so much feel so wrong?
If she’s meant to know the show so well how can she gets Sam’s birth date wrong? (Which I know they do in season 11 too, I haven’t gotten there yet but I saw the screen shot….is it that hard to remember May 2^nd? Or is something else going on?)
I think this is why this book felt so disappointing and it made it clear that David Reed was the superior writer of their co-produced previous book, The Unholy Cause.
After that huge hype up of Rebecca, I expected more and was left high and dry.

So, those are all my gripes.

I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

 

I found this one so bad that it was one of my first reviews I ever actually wrote on Amazon.
Look…right there, at the top…it’s me!

 

Only one person found it helpful?! Come on…it’s worth at least two helpful ratings!
I feel like I was trying to be too nice, on recollection it’s definitely not worth the three stars I gave it.

Hell Reviews - Stalled

Synopsis: It's Christmas Eve. A down-on-his-luck janitor is cleaning cubicles in an office block. Unfortunately for this forlorn floor-sweeper, he becomes trapped in the washroom the very second a zombie outbreak occurs. Will he be able to hit the emergency alarm with severed fingers and a catapult bra? Has he met his Waterloo? Will he just go potty? Or will he simply remain...Stalled? Consistently hilarious, brilliantly executed, cleverly constructed and visually imaginative, director Christian James' remarkable comedy horror is The Evil Dead meets Phone Booth in a toilet.


Straight off the bat I have to say…the bathroom in Stalled is the cleanest public bathroom I have ever seen in the history of using public bathrooms.

They’re also the biggest bathroom stalls I have ever seen that wasn’t a disable stall.

I wasn’t expecting it to be a Christmas movie.
I know in the DVD synopsis it says it is, but on the Horror channel write up it didn't and that's the only one I'd read.
I’m not sure what kind of place these people work in, but it’s one odd place if wandering around half naked or in a bikini is acceptable.
Office buildings are apparently such an enigma.

Too bad the rest of the film is just crap.

One decent thing about this movie, it doesn’t take long to get into which is something I love. I can’t stand films that take the hour of an hour and a half film to get into the story.

Also the janitor's name is W.C, haha get it? Because he's stuck in a toilet?!

Classic.

Too bad that that's pretty much all it has to offer, aside from one high sequence that's kind of fun.

Now I can’t say the acting is exactly amazing, but it’s a horror comedy about a man stuck in a toilet on Christmas Eve during a zombie apocalypse, for once I think I can give a pass on the less than stellar acting.

Seeing as the guy who wrote this film is the guy playing W.C then after watching this film I believe it's fair to say that he may need a tiny bit more experience in both areas, but he's getting there.

The female he has to talk to is honestly just really annoying after five minutes, if that.

Despite the fact that I couldn’t understand half of what she said at the start because she was muffled by other bathroom stall walls, she’s just irritating after two minutes.
I can feel a bit of sympathy for her in the end due to who she turned out to be, it's not really a 'shock' but I still won't reveal it here...I didn't hate this film THAT much that I don't care about spoilers.
But let's just say I'm kind of like her.
However...she's still annoying as all hell (no...not me, that annoying Hel in the office whose name is short for Helen who you just want to stab with a pencil because she talks too loudly on her cubical phone, ya know...that Hel.)
I mean he’s their only hope to get out of that bathroom and she throws him drugs that make him hallucinate, then nags about ‘hello, he’s the one that has to get them out of there’.
Because logic.
I am a fan of sarcasm as a form of humour and even crude humour, but she just becomes more of an irritation the more she speaks.
Also to be honest the constant references can get a bit tiring after a while and most of them tend to fall flat if they’re meant to be jokes, but over all it’s a good throw away film.

The effects aren’t that bad either, pretty good for a purposefully cheesy film.

It’s not bad for a film made on a budget of 450k.
This is one film where I don’t mind not knowing all the answers, like how the zombies came into being, why did they all accumulate in the bathroom? And another very ending specific question I’ll keep to myself.
There are a few cheap ass jumpscares, which I despise, but it happens.

Would I agree that it’s the ‘successor to Shaun of the Dead’?

No, it’s a long way off, but it’s good for harmless entertainment.

If you’re looking for a horror comedy to whittle away the time then Stalled is a half decent one, but I wouldn’t say it stood up to what I expected.

This is one movie that should have been flushed without a look back. (I’m so sorry.)

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: War of the Sons - and I guess bit of a small rant.

Synopsis: This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit ITV series! Twenty-three years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. Following the tragedy, their father taught the boys everything about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners of America...and how to kill it. On the hunt for Lucifer, the boys find themselves in a small town in South Dakota where they meet Don - an angel with a proposition...How far will the boys go to uncover the secret Satan never wanted them to find out?

So here we have a time travel novel mixed in with the Supernatural verse, and compared to the few episodes we've been given over the years that involved canonical time travel...this book really didn't keep up with them.
Unfortinately Rebecca and David just didn't catch the Supernatural feel in this novel.
Now I'll be the first to say that this isn't the worst in the series, hooboy no...we'll be getting to that one soon enough, but I did find some issues with this one and it sticks out as a serious 'meh' one.

I have been with the series since it premiered in 2005, I'm pretty (read as a lot) obsessed with it, but not to the point where it takes over my life and I don't particularly partake in the fandom much. Sure I write fanfiction and kind of throw that out there for people to consume if they wish, but I don't run a dedication blog to my favourite character, heck aside from one small site I check I don't really pay attention to the actors themselves.
However, I am also not one of those fans that will blindly give something a good rating and five stars purely because it is Supernatural related and I can be critical. Heck...I'm still worried I made someone take down their own Supernatural story from Amazon for giving it an average review (I'm sure it was just legal stuff, but it's still kinda funny how it was up until I wrote the first review and then they both disappeared.)
Just because you like it, doesn't make everything associated with it good.
This is one of those novels that falls in line with deserving a more critical look despite the brand name.

This book doesn't do the well established characters justice.
By this point the show was on it's fifth season and neither authors seemed to pick up on Sam and Dean's personalities at all.
Sam is a complete non entity, I know it's something he seems to suffer from in some later seasons. Honestly they completely obliterate their characters later on (looking at you season eight, with Sam being weird and...just what was that Amelia shit?...Sam had good hair though) but it's all put down as 'character building.
Dean seems to be the main focus of this novel and that'd be cool...if they hadn't ruined it.
Yes I know Dean is into the ladies, but never have I come across him being as...I guess misogynistic as he seems to be in this particular book.
We know the older Winchester is bit of a lady killer, but this book takes it to a level that I feel even Dean wouldn't reach, it's like the writers don't know the difference between a little flirty and just downright skeevy.

From what I recall of 'Don the angel' I thought he was alright, but seeing as I don't remember him all that well he clearly didn't leave a lasting impression.
One person who did leave a lasting impression is the main female of the novel....I apparently loved her so much I can't even remember her name, that just shows how much I adored her! (Tries not to eye roll.)
I will openly admit to being one of 'those' people, you know the ones who don't like most of the female characters in the show.
No, it has nothing to do with 'slash shipping', I don't ship, I never have in anything I've watched (Okay...except Oz and Willow, loved them, but I'm biased because I love werewolves.)
No, it had nothing to do purely with the fact they are female, I dislike many male characters too.
It's because they're all written the same and that is atrociously.
I don't believe other characters should be altered just to make other characters look good, it's so forced and cringeworthy (I'll get hate for this...but looking at you Charlie.)
Of course there are exceptions, I liked Ellen and Jessica, for all of the five minutes of screen time she had, I quite like Donna too...and from the little shots I've seen of this new Reaper in season 11 I think she's alright too, everyone else is just insufferable.
Sadly whatshername from the book is no different and her interactions with Dean made me grimace and hold in a groan every time.
Yay for obvious and forced sexual tension.
Have fun with that grandma you visit when you're back in your own time, Dean. (Yes, that is relevant to the book.)

One thing I never picked up on though is what Lucifer could be wanting to hide from them, it's Lucifer...I doubt he'd give a big enough shit to need to hide anything as long as he got the vessel he needs to push his plan into motion.
I like the whole idea of the scripts, but I didn't see anything that was 'secret worthy' enough for the devil himself to worry about.
He's off killing whole groups of people and not caring because he's a grade A dickbag.

Overall, it's a disappointing read, and when I was finished I was eager to jump onto the next book that was waiting for me.
Boy....would I regret that one....
Sorry Rebecca, but even if you worked on the show it seems you have along way to go, as your next novel proves.

Hell Reviews - Paintball

Synopsis: Low-budget horror. A team of eight adrenaline junkies applies to participate in the ultimate paintball game. On arrival they are blindfolded and taken deep into a remote forest, and the game begins. But the game soon plunges its players into the realms of nightmare as one team member is hit with a real bullet, and what began as a thrill-seeking sport becomes a desperate struggle for survival.

Well…here we go again.

What is there to say about Paintball?

Not much honestly.

Just like Silverhide, Paintball has an interesting concept but over all the execution is just boring and flat. On the plus side, at least this one has some decent acting in it…but I can’t see how you can mess up screaming, crying and panting.

This isn’t a film I paid for, it’s currently being shown on the Horror channel and I figured I’ll watch this one, then watch the zombie in the bathroom film Stalled which is on straight after.
I shall be reviewing Stalled as I watch it, that’ll be put up soon enough.

From the bat you can tell it’s one of those independent, low budget movies that Horror channel likes to show. Sometimes I fully believe they pick these films to fully troll their audience, knowing most of us are suckers for B-movies and will probably sit through anything, even if we hate it.

Ah…the fun of horror film masochism.
I think they did pretty well with what they had, I don’t know a final number for the budget but I do fully believe that it wasn’t that high just from general watching.
The effects were pretty good, not scary, bloody splatters everywhere kind of pretty good, but more slightly above realistic kind of blood splatter levels.

The characters are complete non entities, I couldn’t tell you who was who, who died and who survived as none of them seemed to have any individual personalities.

From the bat we’re given a very brief shot of each character in a truck preparing for the game, but not given a clue as to why the hell we should give two shakes of a rat’s ass about.
None of them have their own personalities or quirks that help differentiate who is who to the watchers, except for one guy.
His whole thing is being fat apparently, because you know…character building.
In fact the only time I remember them being singled out and named clearly is right near the end when fake documents about each character are found and their names are read out.

The acting is bearable, but I feel that that’d mostly be because there’s just not much that needs to be emoted, the script hardly calls for anyone to make an Oscar worthy performance.

If you can seem worried and panicked then hey, you can have a part.
The only acting that stood out was one of the women who was behind the ‘hidden attackers’, but that was only because she stood out as the worst damn actress there. How can someone sound so hollow when pleading someone not to kill another because that isn’t what they do?
Other than that the acting was passable.
One of my main gripes however was that sometimes it was hard to understand what the hell they were saying, sometimes it was due to them panting through or screaming their lines and sometimes it was simply because they just didn’t enunciate properly.
Now I understand that when someone is panicking and frantic, scared for their lives and crying it’s normal to not be able to speak clearly, but when you’re trying to make a form of media you at least want your audience to have a brief understanding of what is being said in their moment of distress.
Speaking of panting and screaming once again, there’s only so often you can listen to people pant, cry and scream before it gets tiring.
A prime example of this would be The Human Centipede.

The ending itself is just a snorefest, the ‘final stand off’ is just not worth the film it’s on.
Not to mention the very, very end scene before the credits roll is so freaking pointless and adds nothing at all. Actually it’s extremely cringe worthy to be entirely honest and doesn’t offer a thing that makes you think: ‘You know what? That was worth it in the end’.

Do we find out why they were doing what they were to the people?

No.

Would I have liked to know?

Hell yes! Then I wouldn’t feel like I wasted my time.

What’s the point of a movie like this if the motivation behind the antagonists aren’t explained properly and you’re left with the impression that you have to just shrug it off and accept ‘just because’ as an answer.

If the film had been done well and had an effective ending that stuck with me then I wouldn’t be too bothered, as I’ve said in previous reviews I don’t need everything spelled out for me and sometimes being left in the dark can be fun if the film leaves a positive lasting impression.
Paintball’s only lasting impression is my recommendation to not watch it unless you’re extremely bored.

Overall, it’s an interesting concept of paintballing gone wrong and the forest they filmed it in was absolutely beautiful, but this is nothing to write home about.

The pacing was far too slow, the acting was alright but in the end I just didn’t give a toss about what happened or why it was happening.
I’m certainly glad I saw it for free.

You could make a drinking game out of it however!

1 drink every time you can’t understand what someone says.

2 drinks every time someone yells at someone else.

3 drinks every time someone says any form of ‘fuck’.

4 drinks every time the camera moves in a way that you can’t tell what’s going on or makes you feel a little sick.

5 drinks every time you find yourself zoning out or realising that you just don’t care about what’s going on.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: The Unholy Cause

Synopsis: A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit ITV series!Twenty-seven years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a mysterious and demonic supernatural force. In the years after, their father, John, taught them about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners and on the back roads of America…and he taught them how to kill it. Way back in April 1862, Confederate Captain Jubal Beauchamp leads a charge across a Georgia battleground… Fast forward to 2009 and a civil war re-enactment becomes all too real. When Sam and Dean head down south to investigate they find that history has got somewhat out of hand… ar battle re-enactment has gone very badly wrong...


The Unholy Cause was actually a pretty good book, Joe Schreiber made a good addition to the series of novels.
The case is somewhat memorable, not the most memorable of the collection but it's definitely up there with some of the better written books.

As someone who doesn't know much about re-enactments this book really did help give insight into how they work and what takes place, Joe went into great detail to set the scene and it helped a re-enactment newbie like me to picture everything without any prior knowledge.
The great thing is that there's plenty of detail but it never gets to the point of being boing or tedious, nor does it seem to take away from the case or side track to the point where you forget what you're initially reading.

Joe takes the well known characters and does a fantastic job in keeping them as themselves, an issue, as mentioned before, that many people seem to have trouble doing.
Even the professional show writers themselves.
Like the few before him Joe managed to capture the famous banter of the Winchesters and made you feel like you were just along on the ride with them, only this time you're accompanied by resident angel Castiel.
This was before the days where his character got a little tiresome and unneeded, in my opinion, but in the book he is a wonderful addition who helps push the story forward and doesn't over stay his welcome in the novel or become a completely pointlessly added background character.
I'm just counting my blessings that Ruby is only ever mentioned and never actually shows up.

All in all, it's a fun little case to read and it's great to once again see Sam and Dean in their element, it's not the greatest book in the lot but it is up there with one that I would re-read and not skip over if I chose to go through them all again.