Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Bone Key

This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit "CW" series!Monster hunters Sam and Dean Winchester head to Key West when an old acquaintance of their father calls to say that the coastal town's many ghosts seem to have gone into overdrive. Soon after the brothers meet the ghost of Ernest Hemingway, they discover that a demon couple who escaped from the Devil's Gate are supercharging the local spooks for their own purposes. But things go from bad to worse when the powerful spirits of a long-extinct Native American tribe decides to take its revenge on the "settlers". Join Sam and Dean on an unusual ghost hunt, in this original Supernatural novel.

 

I feel unfair reviewing this one as I honestly can’t remember a bit of it.

It’s the final book in this particular set, as the next moves on to the new cover format, but beyond that I don’t remember much of it to comment on.
Once again the author is Keith R.A. Decandido and I do remember him doing another wonderful job of keeping the book in it’s original Supernatural formula, with Sam and Dean acting in accordance to the shows painted personalities.
However beyond that, I find it hard to remember anything past the fact that I found it readable and didn’t get bored.
It’s worth a read, but not the strongest in the first trilogy, it was rather forgettable to me.
Sorry this one is so short, there's just nothing to say.

Hell Reviews - Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Synopsis: Opulently blood-spattered sci-fi gothic rock opera. In the near future, humankind is suffering a worldwide epidemic of organ failures. In the midst of the crisis, a multinational biotech corporation called GeneCo launches a finance programme for organ transplants. But there's a catch: those who miss their monthly payments are hunted down and 'repossessed' by the dreaded Repo Men, who are out to retrieve their property as quickly - and as painfully - as they can. Alexa Vega stars as Shilo Wallace, an over-protected young girl seeking answers to her own rare disease and her family's mysterious history. Will her questions finally be answered at the eagerly-anticipated, flamboyantly spectacular Genetic Opera? Paul Sorvino and Paris Hilton co-star.

 

So back in the good old days, when Blockbuster was still a thing, my parents came home one day with a surprise collection of DVD’s and amongst them was Repo: The Genetic Opera.
Now a random fact is I keep wanting to call it; Repo the Generic Rock Opera.
This has nothing to do with my opinion on the film, it’s the same as me always wanting to say ‘Specific Rim’.
That means nothing to anyway, just a fascinating fact about Hell.
Anyway, one of my best friends happened to be over on the day they rented the film and we figured we’d hunker up in my room and give it a watch together, it’s always more fun with friends, right?

My initial reaction was one of awe, it was pretty awesome.

The scenery was beautiful, creating a typical dark future world with a colour palette that would blend in well with Evanescence’s Bring Me To Life video, it’s dark, gothic and seems to catch the aim it was going for.
The costumes were astounding, I especially like Graverobber and Blind Mag’s outfits, aside from all the make up slathered onto the former.
It goes without saying that some of the singers, once again Blind Mag, could blow you away with one note, and I’ve seen people online saying this isn’t even the actresses’ best performance!
After a few watches the novelty did wear off a bit, but it was still a good film.

Now I still really like the film, there are just a few performances I can be nitpicky about…okay, mainly one performance.

Despite not being a Paris Hilton fan, she did alright in her role in this film, maybe because she wasn’t supposed to be playing anyone with even a modicum of talent and plenty of self delusion, it fit her perfectly.
So this point isn’t about her, I just wanted to point out that aside from still not being able to sing or act, she did well here.
My main gripe is with Alexa Vega.
I refuse to look at this through nostalgia goggles just because she was in Spy Kids, which I loved as a kid.
Here you are, this amazing production full of such great talents, and Alexa sadly doesn’t even reach the standards of the others.

That isn’t to say that ALL other characters and actors were top notch and didn’t have their irritations, but honestly? It seems like they purposefully set out for them to be the way they are.

Shilo is just an annoying, bratty girl with a screechy voice who makes my ears bleed.
Was the intention for the character to be like this?
Perhaps.
Considering one of her songs consists of her jumping around, ‘rocking’, and telling her dad he’s basically an old fart who needs to get off, then it’s very possible that it’s the case.
That doesn’t, however, excuse the singing for me.
Each time a scene transitioned to her I inwardly groaned and prayed it would be a rare scene where singing wasn’t a thing.
Most of the time I was wrong.

The story isn’t the strongest out there, but it gets by with what it’s got honestly.

There are bits which are intriguing, I personally enjoyed the whole thing going on with Blind Mag, as well as the conflict of the Repo Man trying to juggle his grisly job whilst keeping his daughter inside for protection.
Unfortunately most of the story is just kind of blah, I don’t care about who will take over GeneCo and it was kind of obvious to see what the conclusion was leading to and I certainly didn’t care about Shilo’s ‘illness’.
I think the ending is ultimately a ‘screw you, because protagonist’ scenario, and those things piss me off personally, but all in all it was plain to guess where it was leading.

It’s kind of gory, it’s musical and sometimes unintentionally hilarious.

It’s worth a watch if you want to take your mind off life for a while, just don’t expect it to stick with you for too long.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Witch's Canyon

Synopsis: This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit "CW" series!Twenty-two years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force, and they have grown up learning how to hunt and kill the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners and on the back roads of America...Now they are on a road trip around the Grand Canyon - to a stretch of deserted ranchland where mysterious murder sprees occur every forty years. But a new mega-mall is about to open and the brothers must face a horde of vindictive ghosts and animal spirits.Join Sam and Dean on an all-new monster hunt, in this original Supernatural novel.


The second book in the series, while not as memorable as Nevermore, was still a lot of fun to read.
This time the story is told by Jeff Mariotte and he does just as good a job at keeping the brothers in character as Keith does.
I seriously believe these guys should be writers on the show, they’d keep them more in character than some of the show writers themselves at the moment.

The story was one that kept me wanting to read, an issue I’ve had with a few of the later books is that they seemed to drag on and had some moments that were completely nonsensical, as you will discover when I review One Year Gone.

If you’re looking for examples of plot convenience then that book seems to be the one to go to, but I’ll get to that one in a few weeks.

The first three books however flew by and I found myself fairly disappointed when they ended, a feeling I’ve only had with a few of these later ones.
I’m not sure why they count the first three as a separate series, maybe it’s supposed to be pre-angels and then post-angels, I’ve never really looked it up but that’s my assumption.

Due to my lack of memory and re-reads, it seems unfair of me to try and make a comment on the content that I simply can’t remember, that’s not to say it isn’t a good book as it is, and I do vaguely remember Sam getting some good action moments but it was ultimately forgettable.
Usually I’d chalk this down to it being almost ten years since I’ve read it, but I have books I remember reading long before this one where I can remember specific details.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a fun ride whilst it lasts, but it’s not the best ride in the theme park, which is a shame as I know Jeff did a wonderful job with it and I never had moments where I was laughing because something was so out of character or shifted drastically away from the canon TV series.

From what I can recall there’s a nice, cohesive story behind what’s going on and everything is a nice build up to the final act of Sam and Dean saving the day. It’s just bit of a slow burner, but once it gets going boy does it get going.

I do wish they made a better cover for it, I personally cringe seeing this one. Now Jared and Jensen are handsome men, there’s no doubt about that, but this isn’t the most flattering photo shoot they could have used for the cover.

It’s my least favourite from this specific series, the original three.

In the end, it’s a good book and it’s worth a read if you’re a fan, just don’t expect to get too much from it.

Though it is adorable to see Dean get oddly excited over the Grand Canyon.

Hell Reviews - Doll Graveyard.

Synopsis: Low-budget horror. In 1905, 12-year-old Sophia (Hannah Marks) plays all by herself in her big, creepy house with four handmade dolls as friends. When her abusive father (Ken Lyle) has finally had enough, he forces her to bury them in the backyard. But, after she slips and accidentally breaks her neck, her dad buries her right along with the dolls. 100 years later, the Fillbrook family moves into the very same house. Guy Fillbrook (Jared Kusnitz) finds the buried dolls while playing in the backyard. After the 100 year old, decaying dolls are unearthed, Sophia's spirit begins to possess Guy and the dolls are brought back to life. When Guy's bullying sister has a party with her friends and turns on him, the dolls stand up for Guy once and for all, violently showing the nasty teenagers who's boss.

Oh man, Doll Graveyard.
What can I say about Doll Graveyard?
Let me tell you...nothing positive.

This was part of the pile that my older brother bought me for Christmas and up until that point his track record was already pretty damn poor.
I completely understand that it's low budget, I really do, but that doesn't give it an excuse to be so bloody dull.
I'm not even sure if this falls into the category of so bad it's good, was it meant to be a horror comedy all along?
Or was that an accident on the producer and writer's part?
Because if it was either they A: Managed to make it just bad and B: Failed to make it funny.

The acting was just atrocious, the girl at the start seemed promising until she had to 'die', by...slipping on the dirt as she got out the grave her father forced her to bury her dolls in? Being pushed by the father? I can't tell, all I saw was a girl fall in a super controlled way, as you do when you slip.
The modern actors were worse than the 'ye olde day' actors, my left toe has more acting ability than any of the people named above.

The story was pretty much incoherent half the time, easy to follow but still 'what the fuck?' worthy at every turn.
These guys take 'dumb teens' to a new level of awkwardness.
The sister was a bitch, the friends and boyfriends were assholes for the sake of being typical jocks, there was the quirky girl who had to be untainted just because, you know...the type who wouldn't hang out with that group of friends in the first place?
The brother was a typical nerd who they tried to develop a love story with involving the quiet, shy, non-drinking virgin girl.
Which all gets fluidly forgotten when the Puppet Master rejects come into play.
The acting doesn't get better though.

It's really boring, avoid.

Though I love this little bitch of a doll.

Dismembear of the Week - Week Six

This weeks Dismembear is sadly the last one in my 'catalogue'.
He is one of my personal favourites that I made for my best friend, I love how he came out and couldn't have been happier.
I'm currently making another that I am still thinking of selling online if there is an audience for them.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Nevermore

 

 

 

Synopsis: This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit "CW" series! Twenty-two years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a mysterious and demonic supernatural force. Since then, they have grown up learning how to hunt and kill the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners and on the back roads of America...When the brothers hit New York to check out a haunted house, they soon make a more grisly and suspicious discovery. A spate of killings, apparently based on the stories of Edgar Allan Poe, are occurring near the author's old house. Join Sam and Dean on an all-new monster hunt, in this original Supernatural novel.

 

To celebrate the beginning of Supernatural season 11 starting here in the UK this Wednesday, I have decided that I will spend the next few weeks reviewing the various Supernatural novels that have been released.

Aside from Cold Fire, as it’s only just been released and I haven’t had a chance to read it, and naturally I can’t review Mythmaker as it comes out next month and ‘Pending title’ September’s book.

For this I will mostly be focusing on the actual novels, not the various others like John Winchester’s Journal or the Bobby focused one.

The first in the series of books is Nevermore, and what an introduction it was.

Despite having two other titles with that particular cover style and ten, soon to be twelve by September, in the new cover style, Nevermore has been one that stuck with me years after the first read and it originally came out on 2007!

Man…I can’t believe it’s been that long already.

Now let’s get this out there straight off the bat, as I’ve noticed that I seem to comment on these a lot, but I like the cover.

It’s simplistic, I like the colours and I like Sam’s shirt.

Story wise I think it’s great, the whole book did have the whole feel that the show contained around the time that it was released. Brotherly banter, to the point hunting and general ghostlyness.

I really enjoyed the case and the integration of each haunting spot that went along with the Poe focus, I especially enjoyed Robert the doll’s little cameo.

Sam and Dean were written extremely well, and after originally being stuck with fan fiction for a while before that book came out it was a pleasant change. Not to say all fan fiction is terrible, heck I write Supernatural fan fiction myself, but sometimes it’s hard to hit the nail on the head when writing certain character tropes.

Keith R.A DeCandido has quickly become one of my favourite authors of these books, he’s so good at picking up different characters and keeping them true to their original introduction and I always found his own tiny spins on them interesting as well.

The same was with the books in the various Buffy the Vampire Slayer book series, he seems to have this penchant for keeping characters in character and not grabbing them and just going wild.

I think this is a strong start to the series, nothing stood out to me that was inherently negative. This is one book that I would happily pick up and read over and over again, the hunting was enjoyable and reading the Winchester’s brotherly banter brought a smile to my face.

For the first novel for this books I would give it top marks.

Belated Movie Monday Review - Hell Reviews Fingerprints.

Synopsis: In this terrifying supernatural thriller, a troubled teenager sets out on a grisly path to discover the disturbing truth behind a well-known urban legend. Haunted for fifty years by the horrifying tale of a train colliding with a school bus, killing all the children aboard, the small town left behind continues to suffer as a stomach-churning chain of murders claims victim after victim. Brought to life by a stand-out cast including Kristin Cavallari (Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County), Leah Pipes (Malcolm In The Middle), Josh Henderson (Desperate Housewives) and Lou Diamond Phillips (Courage Under Fire), Fingerprints will leave its mark on your nightmares!

 

The old legend of the children pushing the car across the tracks is one of my favourites out there, it’s so sad yet so endearing at the same time.

In retrospect it could have been such a good film idea in the hands of competent writers, but unfortunately we weren’t gifted with talented screen writers.

What a terrible film this was.

Not only was it a cliché mess of a film, but the story just had nothing to it that was worth watching.

The characters were bland and offered nothing, aside from the mother of the main character being a totally unlikeable bitch.

We have a main character who is interchangeable with any other person in the film and the impact would be the same, the actress is just barely watchable at times and is a complete non-entity.

It’s such a bad film that there’s just nothing to say about it except don’t watch it, it’s up there on my list of worst films along with Krampus: The Christmas Devil.

Avoid it.