I’m sat in pure darkness; the only source of light is coming
from the space underneath the thick wooden door across from me, the smallest
slither that barely shone onto the wooden floor.
My back is slumped against the wall as my hands lie
lifelessly by my sides, I want to move them but I can’t, I am no longer in
control of my own body.
My head is slumped against my right shoulder, I don’t have
the strength to hold it up by sheer will power, I tried for so long but gave up
a while ago.
My legs are sprawled out in front of me, the limbs covered
by long striped socks that do nothing to keep my feet from getting cold.
My dark eyes remain fixed on the door, only half open,
waiting for any sign of movement from the other side.
Time means nothing here, I can’t even estimate how long I’ve
been in here, days and weeks mean nothing anymore, it has all just become one
big blur. The only way to tell the passing of night to day is when the light
under the door disappears; it took a while to even figure that out.
I hadn’t seen any of my friends for so long, when had I
become so useless to them?
When I couldn’t move to my own accord?
When I lost all free will and could only sit in a room?
Lifeless like a ragdoll.
No one wants to be around someone who can’t keep up with
them, who offers no fun and who can only listen and respond when their throat
was strong enough to allow this person to speak for a few sentences, before
withering away into nothing but a rasp and that all still depended on if their
mouth would move to form actual words.
If my voice worked I would be calling out for help, it gets
so lonely in here. The only source of entertainment is my imagination but even
that runs thin after a while, eventually you simply revert back to your
memories of how everything used to be.
The further into the memories you get the more you begin to
imagine all the ‘what ifs’, how life could have been had you never become like
this. The restrictions of your new life as a ragdoll hit you full force and you
begin to miss things you never realised you cared about before, the things you
took for granted for years.
I can hear voices on the other side of the door now,
gradually getting louder.
Images flashed into my mind of the last visit I had, a group
of people in white and blue scrubs had come in and prominently opened my chest
up. Something had been removed as a man reassured me that everything would be
alright, the whole world was so blurry that I barely remember what happened but
I know these people in white visited me often.
A loud click resounds around the room, there’s nothing to
cushion the sound as I’m the only thing in this room. There are no decorations,
ornaments or any form of personality in the room, just white walls and a dark
wood floor.
Light soon floods inside, it’s blinding at first until
blurry shadowed figures take up space in the doorway. At first the sudden
brightness is blinding and causes my eyes to ache, it’s only a matter of
seconds before they adjust to the light and see all too familiar faces decorate
the blankness of the shadows.
I feel the corners of my mouth try to twitch into a smile as
I stare at my family, my parents and my brothers, each giving me a reassuring
smile themselves. Tears visibly pricked at my mum’s eyes as they roamed over my
form, slumped against the floor.
In a few large strides my dad and eldest brother had come to
either side of me, eagerly pulling me up to stand. They lifted me by the arms
and held me there, so my feet lightly touched the floor but I didn’t have to
put any weight on my weak legs, for now standing by myself was impossible.
My mum walked over and briskly brushed off the collected
dust and dirt with her hand, looking up at me every now and then with a look of
relief.
“Don’t worry, everything will be okay,” she said softly,
soothingly.
And I knew it would be, with the love and help of my family
and friends, I knew that eventually I could become more than a worthless,
lifeless ragdoll and could become a real girl again.
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